No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Ron

________________________________________________________________________

The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-you...

[elvan]

thenicolelineah‌ You are not alone, many of us struggled past the 140 day mark but I think participating on the site and reading blogs helped me more than anything.  I realized that I could smoke if I allowed myself to "romance the cigarette"...I know very well that feeling of losing friends because my closest friend is a smoker and has no plans to quit any time soon, if ever.  There is a wall between us now that was not there before.  I try to spend some time with her but I still have to move away if she lights up because I am not willing to inhale HER smoke since I have chosen not to inhale my own.  I don't say anything or act like I am judging her, I just quietly move to a different place, I only get together with her outside so it's easy to move around a bit.  I absolutely feel that our friendship has cooled down and I miss it, I miss that camaraderie but I come here and read and comment and occasionally blog.  Most of the time, I read and comment.  I have found many friendships on this site and I know that they will last forever.  I still have memories of smoking and rarely, I have an outright crave but they are easy to ignore without looking for a distraction.  You can do this and your three year old will not see her mother smoking and giving her that example.  You are doing really well, there is no magic cut off point.

Ellen

[thenicolelineah]

Thanks all for the support. Im still quit and it's a little easier today. More physical than mental cravings .I have been a smoker off and on since 15. I love the thought of having clear crisp memories again, something I have not had in almost 20 years from medication I have to take. It's kinda where I get weak in all this. If I'm forced to give my life away to one drug, I might as well enjoy what I can with my friends while I'm still around. My life expectancy may already be shortened by 25 years because of the meds, so I figure sometimes it's not worth it to feel so distant from the people who mean so much to me, but then I remember my 4 boys and I don't want them to smoke so the people who mean the very most are my kids and I can keep going for a little while. I kick myself for ever taking this medication, I don't want to kick myself for ruining my health further when I've come so far. 155 days of doing the hardest thing on top of eating right and getting right with the Lord in my heart and with my thoughts. Thanks all! I knew I could count on you.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Once the nicotine is out of your system for a few months, the cravings become memory based

[elvan]

ANY extra time and quality of life that you might be adding by not smoking is going to be worth every second to your four boys.  No one wants to lose their mom...EVER.  I don't know what drug you have to take that is so dangerous but you said it MAY have shortened your life, I can tell you that there is absolutely no doubt that MY life has been dramatically impacted and shortened by smoking.

Ellen

[WDWfan]

Awesome message! Thank you! I definitely know that I need this support to get through this process! I'm so grateful that I found this site today! Today is day 10 of being smoke free and I know this is going to be a tough process and that I'll have to want it everyday to continue, but I believe that the support from everyone on this site will play a huge role in my success!

[tiger569ca]

Hey jazzy3, I'm from Canada! I know you posted this back in 2014, but I was curious to check in and see if you are still going strong? 

[melindaf1964]

I just filled out my profile today and set a "quit date".  I have not quit entirely yet, but the plan is to try Chantix and taper off if possible.  I am in recovery for 33 plus years from alcohol, so I know I can do this.

[elvan]

melindaf1964‌

You are absolutely right...if you have been sober for over 33 years, you can be SMOBER.  It's the same thing, one day at a time. I followed the quit plan when I signed in and I tracked cigarettes without making any effort to quit...I wanted to figure out when I smoked and why and how strong the triggers were...once I had done that, I listed things to do INSTEAD of smoking when I quit.  I knew the triggers would come because that's life.  I came to this site twice a day every day, sometimes more often, I read blogs, I commented, I blogged, I asked for help and I was never disappointed.  The responses were amazing and I have met people here who are absolutely amazing, people I will stay connected to forever.  I have COPD, I should have quit a long time ago but MY one day at a time began January 19, 2014. I have not smoked since that date but I am sorry to say it was not because I SET it.  I had done the reading and the preparation but then I got sick, really sick and I was not sure I was going to make it.  Neither was my doctor...I refused hospitalization because I am a retired RN and the worst patient on the face of the earth.  I stayed home and took antibiotics, used inhalers and a nebulizer, ran a vaporizer, drank GALLONS of liquids, did postural drainage and chest percussion on myself and clearly, I MADE it.  My husband and son kept checking on me and I saw the tears in their eyes when they asked how I was doing and I could not get enough air in to answer so they could hear me...I knew then that I never wanted to see that look again.  There is clearly no guarantee that I won't but I am taking care of myself, exercising regularly, eating better, and doing everything I can to avoid inhaling allergens or irritants to my lungs.  You CAN do this.

Welcome to EX.

Ellen

[melindaf1964]

Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your experience, Ellen. I

appreciate this. I don't want to get to that point, certainly. This is

way harder than quitting any substance, but I know I can do it. Cheers!

Melinda

On Mon, Oct 16, 2017 at 5:08 PM, elvan <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>

[elvan]

melindaf1964  You CAN do this, one day at a time works, just like in the program.  If a day is too long, break it down into an hour or a minute.  No crave ever killed anyone and no one can say that about cigarettes.  This is the same kind of journey...smoking is becoming less and less socially acceptable and that made it easier for me in some ways.  Stay close to the site, we are here to help.  There are lots of people who have written great welcomes, I will try to link some of them to this.  JonesCarpeDiem‌ wrote two of them My Welcome To New Members (10 Years Of Watching)  and /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months two others were written by JACKIE1-25-15‌ https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/newbie-quitters/blog/2017/10/01/plan-prepare-practice-to-p... and https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/newbie-quitters/blog/2017/07/20/are-you-new-here  and YoungAtHeart‌ writes a wonderful welcome to new members but I don't have a link to that I DO have a link to her advice on things to do OTHER than smoking

/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke   The fact that you have a working knowledge of addiction really will help you.

Ellen