No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Ron

________________________________________________________________________

The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-you...

[Ashley1985]

Keep up the good work.  You got this!!

[Cbefree]

That was so helpful to read Ron's 2002 blog, it's real, it doesn't deny the reality of living through this. On reflecting over the last 30 days: on day 3 30 days seemed insurmountable, you all know the self talk in the midst of hell week "I'll never make it" blah blah....I think after reading Ron's article it's going to make the next 60 days just a little easier because there is the knowledge my brain will heal as MollyLeis is informing me from a different thread. 

Yesterday was interesting; a gathering at a winery, I had a few sips (32 days no alcohol) and watched my resolve start to slip, it was so interesting how fast & strong the backtrack could have been had I kept going. When I say resolve it's not that I must continually remind myself I don't smoke, I just don't do it without much thought UNTIL yesterday. So conclusion is, not going to have any more sips for a bit, make sure I'm in a strong place if I decide to test it, knowing I might have a battle for couple hours. 

Wine free cheers to the next 60 days.........and cheers to all of you who share this path

[YoungAtHeart]

@Cbefree 

Prime  example of why I recommend abstaining from alcohol, at the least when you are early in your quit.  Here's an article that touches on the why:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/t5/Mayo-Clinic-Blog/Understanding-the-Link-Between-Alcohol-and-Sm...

GOOD that you were careful!

Nancy

[Alexandria73]

• I’m also in no man’s land

[Barbscloud]

@Alexandria73 Welcome to the Ex.

When did you quit?  The quit date on the site shows 2-14.  

Barb

[Alexandria73]

• Yes ugh Valentines Day! But I’m excited that I’m really going to do it. I have only been smoking for 5 years well that’s long enough but I haven’t tried  before to quit.  How about you?

[Barbscloud]

@Alexandria73 Congrats on day 4.  That's fabulous.  I'm sure it feels like No Man's Land!  I can associate with that. 

Although many people don't experience it, No Man's Land begins about 30 days into your quit.  It's a time to be especially vigilant about your quit. 

I'll be celebrating 6 years next month.  After many attempts at quitting for 50 years, I found the Ex and learned how to quit for the first time.   Having a plan in place and the support from fellow quitters, I finally got this right.

If you haven't done so already, read lots of material on the site.  Learning about nicotine addiction and being prepared for  the ups and downs of quitting makes quitting possible.  

This link has some great information about triggers, cravings, tools to use, and creating new associations to replace smoking.   https://www.becomeanex.org/guides/?cid=footer_community_linktobex

Join many of us on the Daily Pledge to stay on track one day at a time.

Keep moving forward One Day At a Time.

Stay busy and stay close.

Barb

[Alexandria73]

• That’s really awesome…all of it.  I’ve only heard of no man’s land during tennis lessons but now that makes sense to me. Especially around 30 days in when you feel like you are doing so well and confident one may think “oh I’m at a party it’s a celebration I can have one cigarette “. But I don’t drink I don’t have anything against having a glass of wine or social drinking but I just never got into it.

  ---

  @Barbscloud wrote:
  

  @Alexandria73 Congrats on day 4.  That's fabulous.  I'm sure it feels like No Man's Land!  I can associate with that. 

  Although many people don't experience it, No Man's Land begins about 30 days into your quit.  It's a time to be especially vigilant about your quit. 

  I'll be celebrating 6 years next month.  After many attempts at quitting for 50 years, I found the Ex and learned how to quit for the first time.   Having a plan in place and the support from fellow quitters, I finally got this right.

  If you haven't done so already, read lots of material on the site.  Learning about nicotine addiction and being prepared for  the ups and downs of quitting makes quitting possible.  

  This link has some great information about triggers, cravings, tools to use, and creating new associations to replace smoking.   https://www.becomeanex.org/guides/?cid=footer_community_linktobex

  Join many of us on the Daily Pledge to stay on track one day at a time.

  Keep moving forward One Day At a Time.

  Stay busy and stay close.

  Barb

  Ugh I just typed up a long paragraph and I somehow deleted it  shucks  well I was just saying thank you for the info  and I now understand what you mean by no man’s land and it has nothing to do with tennis. I can see how after 30 days in you get comfortable and may feel like “oh I’m at a party and it’s a celebration so just on smoke “  I don’t drink but anyway thanks again for the helpful information and the link!   The readings have been really helpful. Hope you enjoy your day and text again soon.

[Alexandria73]

lol okay so I didn’t delete the first message!!