No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Ron

________________________________________________________________________

The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-you...

[elvan]

I found YoungAtHeart‌'s welcome on another new member's page and I am going to try to attach it here, I had to save it to Word on my computer but it is a warm and loving welcome and I think you will find it helpful...youngatheart is Nancy.

Ellen

Welcome to our community!

Congratulations on your decision to quit smoking and your Day Won.  To answer your question, the first couple of weeks are difficult - but doable.  You will have good and bad days (mornings, afternoons, evenings, moments!).   Just get through them however you can.  Following is some advice on how to do that!

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested in My Quit Plan http://www.becomeanex.org/my-quit-plan.php

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort.  I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for three reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, and 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire. . But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[Anite]

I bought one cigarette today and smoked it.  I feel disgusted with myself.  After almost two onths the cravings are driing me over the edge.  The gum and other things dont help a bit!!!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

So if you are using the nrt's and they are not helping, that should tell you it's your memories making you want to smoke. Why don't you just not depend on those. Go without. You learned the NRT's don't work for you. Use what you learned.

[elvan]

Anite‌ SO sorry to hear that.  I really think you have to figure out WHY...no craving ever killed anyone and no matter what it feels like...they DO come to an end.  The sooner you get back to your quit and use all of the education that is available to you here, the better and the likelihood that you will be successful.  I remember...believe me, I remember well thinking that I was NEVER going to stop thinking about cigarettes.  I came here every day, twice a day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, I read blogs, I commented, I wrote blogs, I LISTENED to advice offered by those who were successful.  I also prayed...seriously, I prayed for the mental obsession to be removed, much to my delight and amazement, it worked.  I worked at staying quit every waking moment, I did not consider smoking to be an option.

You CAN do this and I have to agree with JonesCarpeDiem‌, if the NRT's have not helped you...why use them?  NOTHING is going to take away all of the "discomfort", nothing is going to quit FOR you...it doesn't work that way.  The commitment has to be yours and you have to recommit every day...sometimes over and over and over again in the course of a day.

YOU have to do this, Anite...your quit has to be FOR you and BY you.  You KNOW that we are here and will help you in any way that we can.  Have you tried ice water, deep breathing, biting into a lemon, rind and all?  I really am so sorry that you bought that cigarette and even MORE sorry that you smoked it.  I am not giving up on you or your quit, don't YOU do that.

Ellen

[Barb102]

Thanks so much for posting this. I was afraid after a week or so no one would think I still need your support. Thank you

Barb

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You're welcome

[gottastop2]

Thank you for posting this helpful post!! I'm on day 80 and this post nailed what it's like!! I am really looking forward to that 100 day mark! 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You're welcome. This post by Ron Maxey and the knowledge the nicotine receptors normalize within the first year, are what got me through.

[MichelleDiane]

Hey Dale.  I know this has been up for a while, but I am doing a lot of reading and loved this blog.  It really does help to know I'm not alone.  Thanks.

-Michelle

[elvan]

MichelleDiane‌ you are SO not alone.  Have you checked out roller831‌'s weekly post on NML?https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/113279-nml-in-betweener-weekly-check-in-1292018    I used to look forward to the weekly posts by OldBones-Larry‌ and I am sure they are still available.  It made it much easier not only to feel less alone but to add humor to the journey.

XOXO

Ellen