Gut wrenching grief

[NicMensinga]

Hi everyone,

I've had to reset my quit date yet again. I am feeling frustrated but I am doing my best. 11 months yesterday since I lost the love of my life. I found out on Friday that I have to go to court and read out a victim impact statement of how his death has affected my life. It's just brought everything back up for me.. I spent all day yesterday crying and today I feel like I can barely function... I know being smoke-free will help me but when I feel like this, all reasoning goes out the window. I hope everyone else is still going well.. Just felt I needed to share

[indingrl]

No worries take care of YOU and so sorry for YOUR loss - gentle hug❤

[NicMensinga]

Thank you

[marciem]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for having to "go through it all" again for the impact statement... that IS gut-wrenching.  ((((hugs and prayers)))) for softening of your grief...

When is your new quit date?  I hope it will be soon.  The longer you put it off, the easier it is to put it off and the more difficult to get a new one going.

Please stick around, read and post, keep educating yourself about this addiction and quit process... posting can be about anything, sharing your daily joys and sorrows, supporting others, asking for support, playing games... anything to keep your hands busy doing anything besides smoking.  DO rid your environment of all smoking materials... 

Quit to live better... you deserve it!! 

[NicMensinga]

Thank you.. court is in a week from tomorrow but may be put off by a week or two. I will stop again as soon as I run out. I have patches will help me a lot. I am usually ok with a few cravings but yesterday I got completely overwhelmed as I had to relive the accident again.. The next week writing my statement is going to be so bloody hard but I will do my best to do it smoke-free. I have set my quit date for a couple of days time  This site is great to share and get support.. 

[EleanorRigby]

Can you get some lozenges or gum?  It really helped me in hard times.  Just enough to take the edge off.  I relapsed too and not even for a  reason...but now I keep them handy just in case I dare to think of stopping at the gas station or bumming one.  You can get through this.. we are all praying for you and sending out healing light.  

[marciem]

For starters... computer/writing area is "smoke-free zone", ok?  So as you type your statement you are in a place you know you can't smoke.  That helped me a lot... kind of like escaping to a movie theater or grocery store (or even shower.... ever smoked in the shower?  very tough!)... places where you just can't smoke.

This can help take away some of the more habitual smoking that happens. (as opposed to "i will smoke or hurt someone, take your choice" addiction smoking).

Best to you!

[NicMensinga]

I never ever smoke inside! Only ever out... I really don't like it so it's not hear to stay. It's just a reaction to my trauma and old patterns of suppressing pain. Getting therapy and using NRT will get me through. It's getting easier every time and the relapses are much shorter.. days instead of years!

[elvan]

 I am so terribly sorry for your loss and for the grief you have already endured and now have to relive.  How incredibly cruel that seems.  DO know that we are here and we will listen any time you need to vent.  Again, my deepest sympathy.

Ellen

[NicMensinga]

Thanks so much Ellen. Yes it does seem very cruel.. There's even more stuff I am dealing with but I won't go in to it here. Hoping by the end of the year things are more settled.. I have the last of the 'firsts' August 20. The anniversary of losing him.. after that hopefully I can begin to heal. Yep I am thankful for the support I get from all of you. Thank you