Gut wrenching grief

[NicMensinga]

Hi everyone,

I've had to reset my quit date yet again. I am feeling frustrated but I am doing my best. 11 months yesterday since I lost the love of my life. I found out on Friday that I have to go to court and read out a victim impact statement of how his death has affected my life. It's just brought everything back up for me.. I spent all day yesterday crying and today I feel like I can barely function... I know being smoke-free will help me but when I feel like this, all reasoning goes out the window. I hope everyone else is still going well.. Just felt I needed to share

[elvan]

You can feel free to vent any time...it has saved more than one quit.  August 20th...that is not long ago.  I cannot imagine your pain and I wish there was a way to help.  Grief is something very personal and everyone grieves in their own way, this has to be seriously intense for you.  

Hugs,

Ellen

[NicMensinga]

Nearly 1 year.. It's gone so fast, yet so slow.. I think time is the only thing that will heal. All part of life I guess but just not the way I lost him

[pcolaflorida]

I'm so sorry for the terrible loss and I pray that you will find the strength to voice how this had changed your life. Don't be hard on yourself for changing the date. I'm happy your still talking about quitting and not just saying the hell with it for now. I feel as long as you are talking about quitting it's a positive sign and the more times you say it I believe it's increases your commitment level. Again, prayers to you and everyone living with this trajedy and best to you in the days and weeks to come. 

[NicMensinga]

Thank you... Yes I won't quit quitting

[Gwenivere]

My deepest sympathy of your loss.  I lost mine over 4 years ago and there are so many triggers.  I don’t understand this statement you have to make, but obviously the legal world is involved.  That’s so cruel on top of your emotional struggles.  This is a time, IMO, that taking on another battle can wait. You’ve got to get thru this first.  And everyone here will be waiting to help in whatever apway they can.  Take good care of you first and don’t add weight to your grief journey until you are ready.  Hugs to you.

[NicMensinga]

Thank you so much.. It's such a tough journey on it's on, let alone adding legal crap. The woman that hit him with her car is appealing her sentence which was pathetic anyway. I have been asked to write a victim impact statement to let the court & her how it's affected my life as clearly she has no remorse. Yes so many triggers... I just want to try and move forward but it's so hard at the moment. I am sorry for your loss too xx

[Mandolinrain]

I can't begin to imagine what your feeling, how you ever 'get over' something like that. Just know we are here for you and talk to us however/whenever you need to. Maybe come here and talk next time before lighting up, f you can.

As hard as this Victim impact statement is going to be on on, don't let it be your excuse to be another victim of  cigarettes, okay? Turn your trys into why's by deciding why exactly you are smoking. When you light up and inhale

ask yourself first : What are you expecting it to give you?.... What void is it filling??? Will it actually fill it or will it make a greater loss?

Sometimes I found by searching and thinking the smoke all the way through BEFORE I lighted up, I would find I diid not want or need to smoke after all.

Meanwhile I am thinking of you and sending encouragement hugs and prayers.

[NicMensinga]

I think it's the anxiety that drives the desire and that the smoking suppresses the extreme grief reaction. I am mostly good with my cravings but when I get it to this state, it's super hard to stop my reaction. I will run out by the end of the day and I will try again.. Regardless of the tough week I have coming up. Thank you

[Barbscloud]

I lost my husband 12 years ago.  Even though it wasn't due to an accident, it was pretty traumatic.  Even to this day, I can remember much of what happened.   Thankfully, our memory does begin to fade with time.  I hate that you have to relive the events that caused his death, but I was thinking it might be me cathartic to put it in writing and give you some closure.  Possibly getting those feelings on paper will help to let them go.  I'm so sorry for you loss. Losing a spouse is a very lonely feeling.  That fact that you are still here and picking a new quit date shows how much you want this.   Stay close in the meantime.   

Barb

[NicMensinga]

Sorry for your loss Barb. Yes that day is burned in to my memory... I get tingles down my hands when I hear ambulances.. I think writing the statement and reading it in court will be helpful once it's done. It's just starting and putting it in to words that I am struggling with.. My stomach is in knots thinking about it. Also having to see this woman's face for the first time. I also have been pushed away by his family and they are going to be there too.. Just hard all round.. Thank you x