I've been 19 days smoke free. I was a little worried this morning because for some reason yesterday I felt more urges than I have to date, and a little depressed this morning when my head started to play little games with me, like, is this frustration really worth it? I knew it was, as all of us do, but I know you can relate to those "moments".
I got a rude wake-up today though. A close friend of mine's husband was just diagnosed with lung cancer today. He has more tests and x-rays tomorrow while trying to determine what stage it is in. Hopes are not high though for recovery. He's had emphezema(sp?) for a couple of years, has flat refused to quit smoking, smokes 3 packs a day, and has for almost 40 years, and has lost over 20 lbs. for no reason in about 6 weeks. My girlfriend has tried to quit several times in the last couple of years but it's always been too difficult for her with him still chain smoking in the house. She is feeling so guilty and scared. Her husband is suicidal and has forced her to promise not to tell ANYONE about the diagnosis. We work next to each other in extremely stressful jobs and she broke down in tears and needed to confide in someone. She knows I just quit smoking, and we've talked about it many times before, and that has only made us closer friends. We've had a common addiction the last 8 years working together, and we've both tried to support each other on our separate attempts to quit. Now, more than ever, she needs me to stay strong, and help her face the uncertain future. Her husband is only 3 years older than I am. I feel so petty for worrying about my stupid urges.
I'm sorry I can't offer upbeat encouragement right now. But I know I, for one, don't want my family to have to deal with the emotional pain smoking can cause because I wasn't strong enough to quit. I guess for now, I will try to take the negative and let even that give me strength for those moments I am tempted to start smoking again. And YES, I am still smoke free. I am proud of that.
Thanks for letting me vent.
