Need help!

[ccrider]

I have been having a lot of mood swings lately which cause a lot of fights with my husband.I don't know what to do for them except to let them pass,he is not patient and insists that I join a physical group such as a smokers anon group.The nearest one is about an hour away at night. I hate driving at night. I feel that I am getting the support that I need here, the last physical group that I tried was more of a social gathering than a group Most of you have more experience than me so any thoughts and suggestions will be deeply appreciated,can't  keep doing these fights

[TerrieQuit]

I think it is something other people use as an excuse or something to blame it on ie. oh, she's PMSing, or oh, she's going through the change or, she/he is quitting smoking. We all have grouchy, irritable days for one reason or another. You are getting two months in. It will get better, I promise! Try reading this /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months?sr=search...  Seems like you are right on to me! Roll through and know that it is what you think it is!  ~Terrie~

[Mortalzeus]

My lack of patience was helped with exercise and for me that meant running 7 days a week and going to the gym at least 3 times of week.  For the first couple of months I was still very "Quick" with my Wife, but around the third month, I started to be able to relax and slow down. 

[YoungAtHeart]

A tip for constructive arguing -- never use the word "You."  That will always be seen as an accusation and brings out the worst kind of response.  For example, "you always have something nasty to say."   That will bring a response like, "EVERY word you hear sounds nasty.  I don't say nasty things."  Which leads to, "(blank) isn't nasty?"  and on and on... Instead, "when nasty words are used, my feelings are hurt."  Declarative - but not accusatory. The response, then, might be, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."    If you consciously work on this, you might  find the arguments are short-lived because you aren't throwing out things that feel like they need to be defended.

You might try thanking them at the end of the day for the patience they have shown with you.  Perhaps you can plan to do something you both enjoy with the money you are saving by not smoking? 

This is  short challenging time - get through it - the rewards will be worth it!

[elvan]

Remember that quitting is a journey and not an event, we all learn new things about ourselves and perhaps one of the things most of us need to learn is that it is okay to FEEL.  It's okay to get angry, to cry, to feel sad....it is just NOT OK to smoke because it won't change anything.

Nancy is so right about constructive arguing, keep the focus on you and your feelings and not on the other person.  That's a process I struggle with as well.  You are on a journey to get to know yourself as you SHOULD be, not under the spell or smell of cigarettes.  Feelings are meant to teach us something.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Did you get the answers you were seeking?ccrider‌diamond01‌?

[elvan]

I wish there was a support group for spouses and significant others of smokers who are quitting.  My husband is a recovering alcoholic and if it wasn't for Alanon, I would never have been able to deal with HIS mood swings.  If there was a way to make him understand that you are on a journey and that you may sometimes have some pretty inexplicable issues and that he can help you by either just hugging you or telling you that he understands...then you have to do your part and come here and vent.  I can't drive at night so that would not be an option for me but how nice that there is one there, even if it is an hour away.  Is there any way you could contact someone from the group and ask if they could start another "test" group closer to you? 

[ccrider]

The groups that were closer to me aren't there anymore, don't know if the closures were due to funding or lack of interest. My husband said he would come to check out the group to make sure it was real and not a coffee cloche. I told him that I am capable of seeing if the group will meet my needs or if it is just a waste of time. If nothing else it will give me 3 hours of peace and quiet. I can't wait until his foot heals and he can move around more and go back to work. I know a lot of his mood swings are because he is in pain and can't get around that great even with crutches.I keep reminding myself that patience is a virtue and to take a few deep breathes before I open my mouth.

[elvan]

You poor thing.  I hope his foot heals quickly too and that you are able to check out that support group,   There aren't any near me but I am not sure I could keep up my energy for an evening meeting.  Pain is a weird thing, it can really alter your personality, my husband says he can tell when I am having a hard time.  Of course, I really resent that, LOL.  

[crazymama_Lori]

gum, chew lots of gum and my ever famous, stress ball