Increased unwanted thoughts

[MichelleDiane]

Hello All.

I'm into my fourth day and am very glad, but I am unsettled by increased thoughts of smoking.  I'm using everything I can think of including staying close to this site.  I redirect my thoughts to good memories as well as envisioning my body healing and saying "thank you Michelle".  Any words of wisdom and suggestions are appreciated at this time.  I know I sound insane, but I'm glad we are having a snow storm.  It will help me to stay quit as I do not want to venture out in this, but I think that is not good thinking.  Thanks in advance for the help.

Regards,

Michelle

[Madmax77]

I hold my breath for 5 seconds and it seems to work but your gonna go through a lot of baby steps before you can walk if you’re taking meds that will help just don’t think of a cigarette as a reward think about a the chemicals that’s in them stuff is nasty well good luck and enjoy not smoking 

[MichelleDiane]

To all,

I am having a rough day and evening.  I think I figured out why, but that is not helping.  We have been in all day due to the blizzard.  I kept myself busy doing what I planned.  I put the holiday decorations away and dusted.  I was very happy and did not really think about smoking.  I took a nap and treated myself to a bowl of Lucky Charms (I usually only eat Raisin Bran or Cheerios).  It was in the early evening as I came into the kitchen to prepare dinner that I wanted to cry.  This overwhelming feeling came over me.  I was angry, sad, and scared at the same time.  I put a stick of gum in my mouth and drank a bottle of water.  Still the feeling persisted.  After dinner I went down to my office (also my alone time room) and did some knitting.  I found myself having running commentary in my head.  Everything, yet nothing was makings sense until I went back up to clean the kitchen.  I think that being in the kitchen so close to the outside set bells off.  Not sure why I felt like crying, but I did feel that way.  I actually meant to ask a question also.  Can someone go into what is meant by "don't fight the feeling"?  I've heard it mentioned several times and maybe that's what I was doing.  Thanks in advance.  

-Michelle

[elvan]

MichelleDiane‌ We all went through what you are experiencing...please remember that you are feeling feelings that you had been stuffing down because you were smoking.  Feelings are normal and there is nothing wrong with crying...it is a release of pent up emotions.  It is okay to be sad, angry, depressed, any emotion you can think of...we just have to get used to allowing those feelings to exist.  When we fight our feelings or our craves...we are giving them power.  We need to recognize that they are there and that they will go away whether we smoke or not...I didn't believe that at first but it's true.  When we fight them, we make them more powerful and we exhaust ourselves.  Craves and triggers are going to be around for a while...QUITE a while but each time one passes and you don't act on it, you get stronger and they get weaker.  You begin to make new associations with those craves or triggers.  No crave ever killed anyone but no one can say that about smoking.  One feeling at a time, one experience at a time...maybe you could go outside for about five seconds and take a breath and thank God that you don't have to be out there smoking. You really do not have to act on thoughts...I cried a LOT at the beginning and even a ways in, I was letting off steam, I was learning that it was okay to FEEL.  Let your craves wash over you...some will come like little waves with no power and then a tsunami will hit, you can remain standing!  You are doing this, growing pains are normal.

Ellen

[MichelleDiane]

Thank you Ellen.

[elvan]

You are DOING this, my friend.  One day at a time helps you to grow along with your quit.  I am really happy for you.

Ellen

[elvan]

Coming here and blogging is the best thing you can do for yourself...you are strengthening your quit.  You are allowing yourself to feel and allowing us to support you.

Ellen

[KMC56]

I thought my mind would just combust with constant craves...and I would/could possibly go mad!   I did keep a journal..and found myself either keeping extremely busy..or just sat frozen in a constant state of crave. (Weird bi polar state) I just keppt plugging along..and trusting the elders on this site, and I was in good company with at least 3 or 4 individuals with close quit dates as mine,  that were in the same struggling  boat as I was..and they all happen to be in the 6% club!!!  I'm competitive  by nature,  and really wanted to get to 365 DOF..and see how I really felt...here I am over 620 DOF! I can't tell you when my new normal came into light...but at this stage of being an ex/non smoker, no way do I want to go back to day 1.  

I'd been a smoker for over 40 years, and just learned recently, that it was just as difficult to quit at one year of smoking as it would be of a 40 year addiction.

Stay close to this site..it's an amazing support group...tag up withnsoneonw who is close with you on quit dat.  Keep it one successful day at a time!

~Kathy

[MichelleDiane]

Thanks for your help Kathy.  I appreciate your words and encouragement.

-Michelle

[elvan]

DO listen to Kathy...we ALL were there, I remember thinking that I would never be able to STOP thinking about smoking, I was completely obsessed with those thoughts and then...my husband made the suggestion that I get down on my knees and pray for the mental obsession to be removed.  He has been in recovery from alcoholism for over 33 years and he said that when he did that, he felt things change.  He also quit smoking over 28 years ago.  I wasn't really keen on getting down on my knees since I wasn't sure I would be able to get back up but I DID it.  I can't say that I felt an immediate release from the obsession but I DID feel a change.  I said the word NOPE, Not One Puff Ever...over and over and over again.  I said "I don't do that any more.", I said the Serenity Prayer, I paid attention to any and every suggestion that was given and I am pretty sure that I drove other people crazy.  All I talked about was EX...all I talked about was the support I was getting and how this quit was "different."  I so wanted to call if my "Forever Quit" because I kept reading other posts by members referring to their quits that way...I wondered...How do they KNOW? I did know that I wanted to stay quit a whole lot more than I wanted to smoke.  I read everything there was to read, I posted, I commented, I spent as much time as I possibly could on this site and it brought me through.  I cannot remember how many days I had before I realized I had gone through a particularly challenging time at work and I had not even THOUGHT of a cigarette.  I CAN tell you that once that happened I KNEW that this was possible.  I KNEW that there would come a time when I could say this is MY Forever Quit so here I am...this is my Forever Quit. You are in the beginning of a really magical journey and you will be astounded at all that it gives you.  I learned so much about myself and I realized how much smoking had stunted my emotional growth.  Hang in there, it DOES get easier.

Ellen

[MichelleDiane]

I'm hanging.  Staying close to this site and tackling inside projects.  Have a piece of gum in my mouth and a water bottle next to me.  I know a person's recovery (AA or other recovery group) is only their's to disclose, but I relate to your post in that my husband has been sober for 30 years and gets on his knees to pray as well.  He is proud of my quit and encourages me.  I think I will get down on my knees and give it a try.  If I can't get up I know you and the others will help me (well at least in encouragement, but physically I will need to do it myself in many regards).  Thanks Ellen.