We heard it from our elders, the thought of smoking can come back any time, we experienced it too, but generally earlier in the recovery or so I thought!
Well, I was WRONG!
For a pretty long while now I could not walk more than 5-6 steps, still can’t. For the same reason, I have been working from home. And the weather in AZ is just beautiful right now, I miss being outside. So I got out on the patio after dinner, just sitting down, watching the dogs play.
And it hit me, it hit me hard: “A smoke would be good right now; this is not a craving, can’t be, it is just a thought, no need to worry, don’t need to act on it, oh, yes, but wouldn’t it be good to be able to have just one?, but I don’t do that anymore, I know, but I would really, really like one right now…if I ask hubby…he’ll get out and get me a pack…will he? Yeah, he never denied it to me, he bought my cigarettes for years, he asked me nicely or tried to tell me, it would be good for me to quit, but he never denied me a cigarette...darn, this is not going away, won’t let me enjoy a little time outside”
I had to do what I have been doing at the begging of my quit: I stood up and walked back in the house, and gave in to a craving for sugar, just finished some ice cream (not even my flavor, or my ice cream for that matter, I buy it for mom, I don’t even like ice cream that much, but if I have some it would be chocolate, and this was strawberry cream), and came here to share with you all.
332 DOFs today, and I had to apply the same strategy I had at the very beginning of my quit: stand up, and walk away from the place where the thought arose; and feed the hand to mouth habit with something else; not the healthy choice, but at this point it really did not matter; I had to do something drastic to make sure the powerful thought of smoking will go away.
Ice cream bowl in hand I came here and started typing…
Like Marilyn says all the time, we need to always remain vigilant; and if needed, apply the same principles we had in our tool box from the very first day we quit.
Because I know, because it happened to me before, there is no such thing as just one cigarette…
NOPE: not one puff ever again, the freedom I gained 332 days ago it is way to precious to give it away.
I am an EX and will stay one, as long as I have my mind in the right place!