How do I stay quit?

[Daniela2016]

We heard it from our elders, the thought of smoking can come back any time, we experienced it too, but generally earlier in the recovery or so I thought!

Well, I was WRONG!

For a pretty long while now I could not walk more than 5-6 steps, still can’t. For the same reason, I have been working from home. And the weather in AZ is just beautiful right now, I miss being outside. So I got out on the patio after dinner, just sitting down, watching the dogs play.

And it hit me, it hit me hard: “A smoke would be good right now; this is not a craving, can’t be, it is just a thought, no need to worry, don’t need to act on it, oh, yes, but wouldn’t it be good to be able to have just one?, but I don’t do that anymore, I know, but I would really, really like one right now…if I ask hubby…he’ll get out and get me a pack…will he? Yeah, he never denied it to me, he bought my cigarettes for years, he asked me nicely or tried to tell me, it would be good for me to quit, but he never denied me a cigarette...darn, this is not going away, won’t let me enjoy a little time outside”

I had to do what I have been doing at the begging of my quit: I stood up and walked back in the house, and gave in to a craving for sugar, just finished some ice cream (not even my flavor, or my ice cream for that matter, I buy it for mom, I don’t even like ice cream that much, but if I have some it would be chocolate, and this was strawberry cream), and came here to share with you all.

332 DOFs today, and I had to apply the same strategy I had at the very beginning of my quit: stand up, and walk away from the place where the thought arose; and feed the hand to mouth habit with something else; not the healthy choice, but at this point it really did not matter; I had to do something drastic to make sure the powerful thought of smoking will go away.

Ice cream bowl in hand I came here and started typing…

Like Marilyn says all the time, we need to always remain vigilant; and if needed, apply the same principles we had in our tool box from the very first day we quit.

Because I know, because it happened to me before, there is no such thing as just one cigarette…

NOPE: not one puff ever again, the freedom I gained 332 days ago it is way to precious to give it away.

I am an EX and will stay one, as long as I have my mind in the right place!

[YoungAtHeart]

YES!  You did exactly what you knew you had to do.

I am very proud of you!

VERY proud!

Nancy

[Daniela2016]

Thank you so much Nancy, and to be honest, strawberry cream is not too bad, if there is no chocolate in the house 🙂

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Good job Daniela.  We have to do what we have to do.  I had Neapolitan.  Ate more than I should but that is okay for today.  Have a good night.  Thanks for sharing.  

[Daniela2016]

Thank you Jackie, your choice seems even better than mine

[Giulia]

This will happen again, Daniela.  And again.  At least it has to me.  And to Mike in Atlanta, and to many of us who have very long-term quits.   And because you've done enough homework - you knew exactly what you needed to do to get through that smack in the head.  That's what we mean when we say "watch your back."  Because we get to a certain place in our quits when we think "it's OVER!"  That desire for cigarette, that trigger craving out of the blue.  But from my experience - it can still happen at any time.  Years down the road.  That's what causes long-term quitters to relapse.  They forget, not only how hard-fought that Day One was, but they forget how truly vulnerable they are to the addiction.  Just because you haven't thought or craved a cigarette for a long LONG time, doesn't mean you're absolved of experiencing that feeling forever.  It's a very subtle monster - this addiction.  I think the way we remain strong and in control of it is to recognize our weakness to it and be ever mindful of that. And one of the ways to stay mindful is to stay connected to a support site such as this.  We need reminders of the place from which we came and the place to which we never want to return.  And that is to never have to go back to another Day One.  

You used what you've learned.  Keep using such and you will always be home free.  

[Daniela2016]

Thanks Giulia, and funny you should tell us like it is: not more than 3-4 days ago I started writing a blog called " Now what?" and it was about "arriving" and about trying to find a place for myself here at EX.  Feeling I do not need to stay connected every day, because being here it reminds me of being an EX more thank anything does in my every day life.  But while writing it, a thought was nagging at me "yeah, who do you think you are, sure you are free forever, it does not mean you need to scream it so everyone can hear it, have some humility"...and I deleted it before posting it.

Little did I know there was something in store for me to remind me of having been an addict, and being one forever.  Do I like it, I don't, but it is a reality we'll all have to face and adopt if we want to stay free forever.  We had our fun (or so we thought, now we know better it was not for the sake of play we were playing, but because we were pulled in the game back over and over again by our addicted mind), and now, finally awake, and finally free, we need to put effort in remaining free.  So here is my response to "Now what": now nothing, just keeping them away from my face forever, turn around and teach whomever wants to hear it, the "how to" for a life clean of cigarettes!

[RachelMB]

I'm so proud of you!  You did exactly what you were supposed to do my friend! Woo hoo! 

Rachel

[Daniela2016]

Thank you Rachel!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

It does happen to me from time to time as well!

And I deal with it the same way I've learned to deal with it -

You get your Quit Tool Box out and you get to work!

So you did just fine, Daniela!

Have you heard of Dale's theory of the first 2 sets of seasons?

It takes 2 Years to get most conceivable triggers out in the open.

And even then, things happen in Life that you can't anticipate.

But Recovery is a lifelong journey 

Not a destination!

And along with this possibility of a memory, urge, whatever you want to call it -

Comes the Self Discovery and Self Development 

that can only be released Addiction-FREE!

And it to this day gets Better and Better!