EX Community

Adamziv · ‎06-19-2020

Hello,

I smoked a pack a day for 20 years. Some days more, some days less. I just turned 39 and I told myself I have to quit before 40.

I am 45 days into my quit and I have convinced myself I'll never smoke again. I don't think about stopping at a gas station, I don't even think about asking my friends (they ALL smoke) for one at the golf course or in their company.

However, I am beyond depressed and anxious. I never suffered from these things as a smoker. I find no joy in anything. My work is suffering. MY schoolwork is suffering. I'm not myself around my wife and kids. I'm nervous to be alone because of fear of crazy panic attacks. I'm always tired regardless of how much sleep I get. I've convinced myself that every ache and pain is due to irreversible damage I've already done to by body, and those thoughts trigger more worry. I'm not sure how long I can take it.

My doctor says my health is good. I have started seeing a therapist (just one visit so far). I've started yoga and bicycling. It's distracting temporarily, but then it's right back to down and anxious.

I'm terrified because I see people 3 months and 6 months into their quits that are still experiencing this. Does it ever end? Will I ever enjoy life again?

Can someone please show me some kind of light at the end of this tunnel?

Thanks

PrimeNumberJD · ‎06-19-2020

Sometimes trying to think about something differently helps the situation. You smoked a pack a day for 20 years...or 7300 packs of cigarettes (or 7300 days of smoking). By comparison, you've put in 45 days of cleansing your body, or .6% of that time. Step back and look, you will see that it is a relatively short period you've not been smoking and old habits die hard (yippee ki yeeaaaa).

No all quits are the same, some people do have trouble long after quitting...but they stay quit! I experienced similar thoughts (irreversible damage done from smoking) and trouble concentrating. You had these problems before you just masked them with smoking (if you haven't read stuff at whyquit.com or quitting smoking the easy way, you should give those a try). Now, you have to deal with yourself but once you learn how to, you will enjoy who you become. You will feel emboldened and alive!

Now me, I think it was around 30 days that I knew I was done but it took about 3 months for most of the jitters and urges to all but disappear (just shy of a year and sometimes something truggers a weak desire). But, as I'm sure you've learned, don't think about tomorrow, next week, or next month when it comes to quitting...get through the moment, the hour, and the day.

Good on you to go to a therapist! If you want to be more productive, try a list written thr night before. You'll find you will get more done! If your doctor says you're healthy, than you are probably healthy. I forget the exact stats by those who quit by the time they are 40 have around a 5% chance of dying due to smoking related causes; that number drops drastically if you go to 50 and then 60. Get out for a walk, exercise and so forth, it helps to manage the excess energy to start thinking down tangents.

You got this!

Adamziv · ‎06-20-2020

Thank you for your encouraging words. It just sucks to not be myself, but I guess when beo g myself and smoking went hand in hand for so long, I'm not yet sure who my new self is. It helps to hear that I'm not the only one to experience this.

PrimeNumberJD · ‎06-21-2020

It is also kind of great...you may not be certain who you are, yet it sounds to me like you get to be who you want to be.

You have the opportunity to shape who you will be going forward and that is not something everyone gets a chance to do.

Barbara145 · ‎06-19-2020

Does it really matter when it will get easier? You are either committed or you are not. I lost many quits over the years with the kind of thinking you are describing. I would always start smoking again thinking I would never be happy without cigarettes. It is an individual journey for each of us. The things you are going through will eventually teach you a lot about yourself. It is almost 7 years since I quit with the help of this site. I am so glad that I did it. I am better and my life is better. I am truly over ridiculous cigarettes. Wishing you well. "It takes time. Just give it time."

Mandolinrain · ‎06-19-2020

First if all, God Bless you. This is hard stuff and your doing it,...for all the right reasons, yourself first and your family.

When does it get easier?....For me it was when I realized that 'easy' was not ever going to part of the equation. The more I put emphases on'EASY vs HARD', the more I struggled.

My advise, is don't look at what tomorrow will bring focus just on today and try to find all the good in just this day. This day may bring oodles of good or oodles of bad but guess what....it will even to those who never smoked.

You WILL turn the corner on your quit, I so promise you that, that you will think to yourself....'WOW, I never though once today about smoking'....and from there on, you have turned the corner. Its different for everyone. We all have journeys similar, yet not so much. Thats why you come here, You have us and we will help you on your journey.

Vicks Vapor rub and a Vicks In haler was such a help to me early in my quit. Putting it under my nose killed craves for me. I used the inhaler when out in public so I didn't smell like a medicine chest. Just a thought.

Wishing you peace and wellness in your quit. Stay near to us and let us help

JACKIE1-25-15 · ‎06-19-2020

Here are a few blogs that address your concern. Click on the linkWHEN DOES IT GET EASY?????? https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/newbie-quitters/blog/2018/09/21/in-time

Barbscloud · ‎06-20-2020

Congrats on 45 days smoke free and I'm glad you came to the Ex to share your experience. No, this is not easy, but you're doing it. For some of us, it takes longer to feel better. My quit was more psychological than physical and it took many months to start feeling better. It is true that we smoked for along time, so it only stands to reason it's going to take time and patience to see some improvement. Have you read about NML? Some quitters do experience it and I found useful understanding that part of the journey.

Keep moving forward one day at a time.

Barb

No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

Cousin-Itt · ‎06-20-2020

Hello Adam

You're doing well 45 days and quitting while you're still young

I wish I had the resolve to quit at 39 but I went another 20 years and caused permanent damage to my lungs.

I really wish I could give you the answer you are looking for. As far a my quit I guess around 6 month maybe a little longer I was starting to have a few more good days than bad Right after my first year I realized I was having a lot of good days and if I had a bad day it was because it was a normal bad day life throws at us.

The changes are subtle and you may not notices them at first. So yes their is light at the end of the tunnel and a happier healthier life

Just take it 1 day at a time and you will get where you want to be

Carl

maryfreecig · ‎06-20-2020

Thanks for sharing your quit story. It might get a little easier sooner, if you stick around Ex--get to know other quitters, participate--at the very least you will come to understand that you are not alone. The dividing line between really-hard-to-do and it's-better isn't clear cut. Change happens bit by bit. And what a great journey it is to quit, so congratulations that you have already embarked. The Ex community is rooting for you. Keep up the good work.