Community
So I have a question. Why do you suppose long time quitters relapse? What makes them take that 1st puff? I’ve heard of people with 10-15-20 years quit relapsing. I mean right now I would never consider smoking. The thought of is completely gone. But Can addiction be triggered so easily? Why can it be triggered so easily?
I quit for 10 years . Hit a stress point , fell into a huge depression . I hated doing it , have lots of regrets now . I know I can quit this time . I not only want to , but for health reasons , I have to . I will succeed .
I am not sure. I think everyone is different...Except with all of us who quit an addiction, we must always be vigilant. The reason we say, “we are one cigarette away from a pack”...NOPE has to be the motto...Mysticcat it is a great question and I look forward to other responses...Happy Friday ~ Colleen 410 DOF
Many of us have not changed a mindset when we quit and felt like we were sacrificing something. When stress hits, that might be easier said than done.
Barb
I agree with Barbscloud
I am now 10 years quit and I don't worry about EVER smoking again...depressed, happy, stressed.....whatever. But this is because of the mindset I have now about smoking/quitting.
In my first long quit.....I blew it after 13 years because of exactly what Barb said.......I felt sorry for myself for 13 years and I felt "jealous" of people who were still smoking.....why weren't they worried? So----even though it was a long quit...it was doomed.
It is the mindset. If you feel sorry about quitting.....if you feel you are missing something.....if you let yourself romanticize what it was REALLY like to smoke......then you are in danger of relapse. If you stay honest...true to your quit...remember honestly how much you always wished you were not a smoker.....your quit will be a forever quit.
Stay Strong
Drinking alcohol! It reduces your ability to think clearly and can make that "just one" seem like an OK idea.
Good point. I do you remember when I was single and I would go out socially drink and smoke. Waking up with the smokers hangover was the worst; heavy lungs and nicotine breath ugh! Yet I’d do it over and over
I can’t see myself doing that again.
Spot on.
Good to avoid alcohol consumption...if at all..want to consume alcohol, not to mingle with smokers.
This is SO TRUE I almost lost my 6 month quit last week because I had just enough alcohol to make me want to smoke. I went through my house searching for that just one thankfully did not find it and could not drive because I don’t drink and drive. It was a big wake up call. I thought I was ready to enjoy some wine safely apparently not so alcohol is off my table right now.
Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you made it.
Good question. I use to wonder the same thing early on. My quick answer. Some quit by willpower, and not willingness. Some quit without the commitment of never ever taking another puff. Some quit for temporary reasons (insurance, birth, sickness, health, etc.)and when those reasons are no longer a reason, they smoke. To further your education, read the blogs. Relapse Prevention
I relapsed because of bargaining. I thought I could "rest my lungs for awhile" and then return to smoking. I quit dozens of times but it isn't a zero sum game - ie 6 yrs on and 6 years off does not cancel out the addiction. We must remain vigilant no matter what!
Wow 6 years then a relapse. Did you quit reluctantly Thomas? I thought I loved smoking until I didn’t. I truly have no desire and I’m staying vigilant. Smoking is not part of my life but I wonder how that may change. Preparing myself I guess.
Yes I quit reluctantly. I thought I could beat the odds! Now I have nearly 10 years on my forever quit. No more bargains! Addiction doesn't play fair!
So true Thomas. Thanks for sharing.
My oldest sister quit for 7 Years and decided that she could smoke one or two and go back to her quit well 20 some years later she's still working on quitting as so many say here on site if you quit smoking and are still smoking then you're doing it wrong, I also believe complacency can factor in that's one of the reasons I push vigilance and say let's always remember and N.E.F - Never Ever Forget how horrendous it was in those early days and weeks of quitting smoking.....
Relapse may be triggered different ways for different folks in my opinion as we've seen here .
We are all different .
Something environmental , physical , emotional as well as of course choice could easily upset a secure quit .
One of those things , two of those things , or all of those things combined with a persons attitude and chemistry can be a recipie for relapse under any right circumstance or opportune time, but only if we let it .
We all know addiction is cunning . It knows us better than ourselves sometimes .
Our choices will always determine the end result . We will either be overcomers or smokers .
Do you remember a time when in split second you smoked in a response to stress, conflict , circumstance or grief ? You didn't expect something would happen , but it did . We lit up because of an automatic programmed conditioned response to a physical , emotional , or environmental trigger. ( just my opinion ) no real factual knowledge here .
One puff is always dangerous thinking . It's addict thinking . Those thoughts have to be broken . The romance is over .
Do we live in fear about relapsing ? For me the answer is no .
On guard doesn't fit me either . That sounds stressful to me . No .
Aware should it happen , yes.
Did I always feel this way , no .
I am free today but aware I am an addict, and I'm grateful to have the choice to remain free and to say no at any time no matter what .
I think it's because they've not paid ongoing attention to their quits. That's part of the reason why I, for one, stay active on this site. It's too easy to forget that Not One Puff Ever tenet. But even that's not true. Because there have been cases on this site where people have seemingly solid quits and are actively participating within the community and have relapsed anyway after 4, 5, 7 years. People whom you would NEVER think would relapse. People who talk about NOPE every day when offering support. So obviously failing to pay attention is not the answer as to why. Though I think it's why I haven't relapsed.
It's a question I've had since joining this site. Since before joining this site, actually as I quit two years prior to joining here. Is it just the nature of addiction? Is it truly a disease? - of which we're never cured? For those who ceased to nurture their quit, I can understand forgetting that there is no such thing as "just one." That's simply inattention. But to be actively engaged here and then still relapse? Mustn't that be a deliberate choice? I mean you can't claim ignorance. Is it a momentary "I WANT this and I want it NOW!" or has that desperate wanting been there all along for years, a burbling magma and the fissure that caused the relapse eruption was stress? Or an emotional blip so strong that it caused the earthquake that broke open the resolve?
I don't know. What I DO know is how I maintain my quit. Actually I think I'll write a blog on that and let other people chime in.
Suggestion: You might want to move this blog to Relapse Prevention. It would be a good one to have in there. It's a good question and I think the answers people give will be helpful to those who visit that group. Should you wish to do so, click on Edit (upper right)
Then scroll to the bottom of the blog and click on "A place's blog" and type "Relapse Prevention" in the 'Browse places' box. The group should pop up. Then just select it. Finally scroll down and click on the red Update icon.
Thank for your insight. It really has been a baffling question for me. I look toward to your blog and see how others respond. Addiction is such an insidious disease. There is so much to learn.
Thank you for your suggestion on moving this to relapse prevention. I will give it a try.
I can only speak for myself. I threw away an 11-year quit with "just one." For me it was a combination of factors that led to taking that first puff--arguing with a loved one, consuming alcohol, and being around friends who smoked. One of my friends in the group was one who was a closet smoker/social smoker who would only smoke a couple in social situations or when she was really stressed. I had the stupid thought--"If she can do it, I can do it!" So after she bummed one from another friend in the group, I asked for one, too.
Let me add that I have never handled emotional conflict well. It is probably my biggest trigger. It sets off horrible panic attacks, and panic attacks make me irrational. It's no excuse, just an explanation.
I learned several things that day:
1. I can never have "just one." Within two or three weeks I was back up to a pack a day.
2. I should never consume alcohol when I'm socializing with smokers. It lowers my inhibitions and I make stupid decisions. (That's a rule I stick to to this day.)
3. Smoking does not alleviate stress. It only compounds it. I was so much more stressed out by the fact that I started smoking again than I was about the argument with my loved one.
4. I am always an addict. Even as years pass and I get more and more solid in my quit, I am still an addict. Just as I would never offer an alcoholic in recovery a drink, I must never offer myself a cigarette. Ever.
5. I need to learn other coping skills to use during panic attacks. That is still something I'm working on to this day.
6. I need a support system. Even years after I quit. I had quit with the help of a site similar to this one, but after the first year I just drifted away from that site and the people there. I thought I could handle things on my own. If I had kept in touch with even one person from that site, I might have reached out for help instead of lighting up.
All of this is not to say that I craved cigarettes constantly during those 11 years I was quit. For most of that time, I never thought about cigarettes at all. I was, for all intents and purposes, free. All of the factors simply added up to the perfect storm that night. And since I had no support system in place, I turned to what was familiar from my past.
So that's the long story of how I relapsed after many years. I hate that it happened, but if my experience can help even one person keep from making the same mistake, I will keep sharing it!
Thank for sharing your experience @Abbynormal. I understand/relate to the anxiety aspect. Smoking was the go to for anxiety relief for me too. But someone said I was really just relieving a withdrawal symptom from the last puff. I think smoking did help limit the ability for me to learn coping techniques along with environmental factors. Maybe why sometimes anxiety was so high. I wonder too if it permanently changed the brains chemistry that affect emotions. I am less anxious tho since I quit. That maybe another topic.
Anyway I will always try to have some form support to stay quit. I wish there were more 3D services, especially in my area. Seems like on-line offers more but is still limited. When I quit there was once a month meetings at the hospital, only newbies were there.
I’m glad you found your way back. Your experience is very valuable. Thank you again for sharing.
There is nothing to go back to. So if I were to smoke again, it would be willful misconduct. Addiction would not draw me back as I am recovered, not cured, but recovered. So maybe I'd be giving middle finger to life? A middle finger to my higher power? Things not working out my way, so I go into I'll show you mode? If I were to go back to smoking, I'd be fully conscious of my defiance--saying that I'd have just one, would be a head fake only. Deep down inside, I'd know.
The physical addiction gone 3 days they say.
The psychological roots of the addiction run deep...
As we can never totally dig them out, the ONLY Rx available to us is NOPE.
They say 1 puff and BINGO.....
You're rewired right back to smoking.
The uge can come out of the clear blue even years down the road of Quit...
I take a couple of deep breaths and move along on my way.
It's the reality of the nature of our addiction.
but I can live with that by staying NOPE.
(One can never go back smoking against their will.)
Today I choose not to!!!
It is chemistry. Grey chemical turns brain back to square one.
NOPE is the only answer to avoid relapses.
I started smoking again after two years quit! I was very active on quit net and I quit and thought I was doing great eventually I quit logging on and quit pledging. I was out with friends and thought just one would be fine after about a month I was back up to a pack a day. After one I was having cravings and thought I would have just one more and be able to stay quit. I was not able and went back to smoking for three years. I am now here working on my forever quit! I know I cannot have one puff ever again I am an addict and I cannot stop once I have that one puff. So for me it is NOPE and to stay vigilant with that from here on out.
I can only speak for myself but I now know I will never have just one puff ever again. I ruined long quits with just one. It never changed ANYTHING and made things worse because now I was smoking again. I’m so grateful to finally have stopped for good. My health has suffered for it. I now have pulmonary fibrosis along with Emphysema. I use oxygen at night and other time. But it would be worse if I hadn’t quit. Much worse! In the last 2 months haven’t been online much. We lost my mother in law, my husband was in a bad car accident and I tore my meniscus in 2 places. I thought about just one but then I thought again. I would then need a physiatrist to find out why I’m crazy to ever start again. Don’t let anyone’s relapse scare you. You never have to relapse. Each of us travels a different road and we learn from our journey. Remember we did it and so can you. Today I am 2 years free of that horrible addition. I stand by NOPE. Sending positive thoughts your way
I think what has protected me has been really taking “NOPE” - Not One Puff Ever - to heart! I truly believe it. I also truly believe that smoking never gave me anything! If you continue to think that smoking will help you when you get stressed - then you may turn to it when life gets tough. I no longer think that way - which makes all the difference! Congrats on your quit!
Ah -- so that's what NOPE means. Got it.
I think maybe it the idea we forget how bad it was to quit? I dunno. I don't want to ever know. I just want to never go through the quitting part again, because it was hell.
For that reason first and because I have come to adore many on this site , I stay active here. It keeps me vigilant. I find by reading the blogs and supporting others I am constantly reminded of why I quit and why I NEVER want to smoke again. N.O.P.........E.E.E.E.E.E!!!
I think it's all the good feelings and nostalgia that we may associate with all the good times we've smoked through.
Smoking is an intimate activity. After 7 days, I feel almost like I am missing an old friend. I find myself jealous of my wife who's still in the "cool club". Until I realize it's not a friend nor is it "cool", it's something that wants to kill me slowly and will kill me if I let it.
You hit the nostalgia thing right on the head! I even wrote a blog about it awhile back: Romancing the Cigarette.
Thought you might like to read it.
Congratulations on making it through H#ll Week!
Hi Fam
I quit smoking for 20years, I let my Baby Girl being sick be the reason I started back. When she transitioned, I went over the falls and justify full tilt. As an addict in recovery, I know cunning, baffling and powerful this is. I have to hold on to Not One Puff Ever (NOPE) to survive.
I am holding your hand as mine is being held.
Even after 20 years, the struggle is so real. Wow. All it takes is for one trigger -- one justification -- and the liar can convince us that smoking is the right path to take.
I hope I never have the answer to this question. Smoke free for 15 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 43 minutes and 28 seconds...29..30..31..32..
I went 3 years without smoking and worked around people who smoked and even I would have to ride with them on the way home because it was only ride. As I saw my friend pick up and light a cigarette I often wondered when would she stop. One day I looked at her and dated boy that look so calming why can’t I have one, but that little voice I n my head said no don’t let it fool you it’s bad for you. So I didn’t relapse. But one day my fiancé started in on me because he was on drugs and I couldn’t take it anymore and he poured Clorox on my kitchen floor knowing I had COPD and asthma and couldn’t stand to be around strong chemicals. So I had to go outs and low and behold my son was smoking and I was upset and asked for a puff. Well the next day I did the same thing and I started all over again and it took me 8 years to be able to quit. Now I watch my daughter everyday smoking and it look so relaxing but I say to myself girl you’re up for a lung transplant and you can’t have it. And that gives me will power not to pick up one. But it’s only because of my health that keeps me from smoking. I have to be strong to live to see my 16 grandchildren grow up. They are my world. And I thank Hod everyday for his strength. Everyone cravings come from different things but that’s what trigger mine but the devil is a lie.
You're doing great!
Barb
This question scares me because I am still fighting so very hard to keep my six month quit
Don't be scared - be prepared! Have a list of things to do if the going gets tough. Learn ways to handle stress. Promise yourself you will come here and post "Help" anytime you are tempted to smoke, or call a friend, or take a walk, or march in place, or take slow/deep breaths. Limit your alcohol.
As you get further along in your quit, you will get a passing thought of smoking. A thought is NOT a call to action. Remind yourself that there is no such thing as "just one." Get busy. it will pass.
You will be fine!
Only speaking for myself here; I threw away a solid quit with JUST ONE.
"JustOne" is the most dangerous cigarette out there. It's never, ever JUST one. Eventually, there will be another.
Again, speaking only for myself; the key ingredient to picking up JUST ONE was opportunity. The cigarette was a available and I found a way to justify it ("just one won't hurt me"). A month later I had another "just one". Then I started seeing opportunity everywhere and BAM; another good quit bites the dust.
I think it's possible that when you get some distance from your quit, you forget how awful it was going through it.
Keep the quit
PT