I can only speak for myself. I threw away an 11-year quit with "just one." For me it was a combination of factors that led to taking that first puff--arguing with a loved one, consuming alcohol, and being around friends who smoked. One of my friends in the group was one who was a closet smoker/social smoker who would only smoke a couple in social situations or when she was really stressed. I had the stupid thought--"If she can do it, I can do it!" So after she bummed one from another friend in the group, I asked for one, too.
Let me add that I have never handled emotional conflict well. It is probably my biggest trigger. It sets off horrible panic attacks, and panic attacks make me irrational. It's no excuse, just an explanation.
I learned several things that day:
1. I can never have "just one." Within two or three weeks I was back up to a pack a day.
2. I should never consume alcohol when I'm socializing with smokers. It lowers my inhibitions and I make stupid decisions. (That's a rule I stick to to this day.)
3. Smoking does not alleviate stress. It only compounds it. I was so much more stressed out by the fact that I started smoking again than I was about the argument with my loved one.
4. I am always an addict. Even as years pass and I get more and more solid in my quit, I am still an addict. Just as I would never offer an alcoholic in recovery a drink, I must never offer myself a cigarette. Ever.
5. I need to learn other coping skills to use during panic attacks. That is still something I'm working on to this day.
6. I need a support system. Even years after I quit. I had quit with the help of a site similar to this one, but after the first year I just drifted away from that site and the people there. I thought I could handle things on my own. If I had kept in touch with even one person from that site, I might have reached out for help instead of lighting up.
All of this is not to say that I craved cigarettes constantly during those 11 years I was quit. For most of that time, I never thought about cigarettes at all. I was, for all intents and purposes, free. All of the factors simply added up to the perfect storm that night. And since I had no support system in place, I turned to what was familiar from my past.
So that's the long story of how I relapsed after many years. I hate that it happened, but if my experience can help even one person keep from making the same mistake, I will keep sharing it!
