Want to but can't commit-Help!

[hardtoquit]

I've just joined Ex. I still am a light smoker. My loved ones are mortified that I hold onto smoking. I bum or buy 4 loosies a day. In a city, its all around me. When there's no smokers around I've managed on gum and low strength patches, but weaken anytime its available, as a stress reliever and oral tool.

I simply am holding on and won't cut the chord. I enjoy those cigarettes so much yet am always filled with guilt and shame.

I had a health scare recently and thought I had cancer but after complete screening I'm fine. Yet still I've gone back to this chronic scourge.

I would love help to get strong and to help visualize being free 100% from ever lighting a cigarette.

Any helpful suggestions and encouragement are very welcome!!

[maryfreecig]

Only you can give the go ahead to quit. And it seems that you are heading in that direction. Consider what the worst thing will be for you to quit? Think about it. Once you quit, you'll get over the addiction/dependency and won't miss smoking. You'll discover that anxiety comes and goes and does not require a cigarette to make it go away. You'll  save some money and you'll save yourself guilt trips. 

Smoking does not make life better. I say that now--nearly six years after quitting. At first I was filled with delusions about smoking--fear too of quitting, fear of not quitting, fear, fear, fear. 

I also thought I loved smoking. Just such a delusion. It is an addiction. 

Spend more time thinking about what smoking is doing for you and why you believe that it is doing something for you. Think it over--rather than rush to find quit motivation, consider why you trust smoking so much.

Stick with Ex, keep sharing, keep reading and learning about nicotine addiction.

Welcome to Ex. A place that will be here for you 365. And as always, take what you need, leave the rest. 

[hardtoquit]

Thank you so much Maryfreecig for all your positive and thoughtful words.  Yes, an addiction vs something to truly love, of course.

It's an easy answer to anxiety.  It's available, it's weakness.  One definitely needs to be present and believe in

a kind of strength to tap into with each urge.  Everything smoking does is bad, in terms of health risks.

It is partitioning, living in denial - health risks over here - the enticing smoking over there.  It's really truly connecting

them, not living in denial, and that idea that every smoker has of how to let yourself put it behind you, let it go.

It's taken so long to join one of these forums, I think this might be great for me.

Onward,

Cathy

[maryfreecig]

Yes, Ex is here to listen and to cheer you on. 

[debomac]

Thanks. I have quit before, bummed but never bought a pack.  Then I gradually started again! My partner smokes a lot. I know he is enabling me by offering me one. Sometimes I say no... I am very worried about money all the time. I don't spend it on much ,mostly bills.  I hate that I'm so weak. I started the patch and have lozengers too. Last time I quit I joined a group, pretty ashamed to go back there.

[hardtoquit]

The shame is the hard part. I think trying to accept it as ok to smoke as a choice but that you want to be able to choose to stop for yourself. It would be incredibly hard if your mate smokes. But if you want to not feel shame and to feel pride and health you will eventually succeed. 

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Quitting is not easy but it is feasible.  It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to start.  You have to decide and make the choice that you are going to do it.  It appears that you are constantly feeding the addiction.  You have to make up your mind to stop.  Find ways to distract. /blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke?sr=search&searchId=3c57...‌. is a list of suggestions.  You can add your own if you choose.  You have to be willing to let it go. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/sinao/blog/2019/08/25/are-you-willing?sr=search&searchId=8...‌  to change the way you think?  The addiction tells you that you enjoy something that causes you guilt and shame. 

[hardtoquit]

Thank you so much Jackie for responding.  I didn't start smoking till I was 30, and was a pack/day smoker till 40.  Then my sister and I quit (we're twins), I lasted a few years and she has never started again, that was 19years ago. I quit again a couple of times in my 40's for a year or two here and there, and then I just gave in and started up regularly.  Now I'm a very light smoker, as my husband can't stand it and won't allow it.  The e-cigarette was very useful, but puffing away at it all the time contributed to lines around my mouth! and he kept throwing them away anyway.  I found a bodega (queens, ny) that sells loosies, get a few of those/day.

In any event, I will definitely look at the list you suggested asap.  I need to focus, and believe in options, in a new lifestyle.  

Have a good evening and thanks again,

Cathy

[JACKIE1-25-15]

You are quite welcome.  Come here often. 

[NewMe]

gosh, I wish I had saved more bookmarks. Here is a start: https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/6040-my-welcome-to-new-members-12-years-of-watching for some reading material. You will find that if you come here and ask for advice, you will be led to all sorts of reading materials that will show you that everyone here was once in the same boat. Most all of us were very scared of the whole quitting process, and truthfully it is not easy in the beginning, but it can be the best thing you ever did for yourself. I also found a lot of useful information on whyquit.com- especially  Freedom from Nicotine, The Journey Home. Take a look at the advice given here, and you will find that the more informed you become about what nicotine does to your brain and body, the easier it will be to commit to a forever quit. I just passed my 4 year anniversary as a nonsmoker. I smoked for 44 years, tried MANY times unsuccessfully to quit, and I truly believe that you have come to the best place in the world to find people who can guide you to quit successfully too. Welcome, and stick around. Ask lots of questions. Blog whenever you feel vulnerable. This is the best place to find understanding, compassion (unless you try to come up with excuses to keep smoking), tips, tricks, and a wealth of important information. You can do this!