Not having a good couple of weeks lately. I’ll try to express what I’m feeling but not sure anything I write will make any sense. I’ll start by saying that last year I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and clinical depression. It’s not a daily problem but when it hits me it’s blinding. Nothing really brings it on so I really can’t put a finger on why it pops up. This week has been terrible. I can’t focus and it feels like a ton of bricks are laying on my chest. I do my breathing techniques and try to find a calm place within myself. When I get like this I cover it up with jokes and try to get on with life. I’m feeling damaged and broken and I can’t seem to climb out of this. I’m not going to do anything stupid so please don’t read this and worry. This as in the past will subside as it always does. I have never spoken about the extent of how I feel with anyone but I feel so comfortable to do so among all of you. Here I don’t feel alone.
Wow I don’t wish this on anyone; it’s a dark pit that I find hard to climb out of. I always want to be upbeat and positive and that isn’t always easy to put on that happy face.
This too shall pass. It always does. I think part of it comes from feeling lonely. Crazy to feel lonely when I have been with my partner for nearly 40 years.
At least I didn’t grab a cigarette NOPE.