Hello community.

I currently use about 1-1.5 Juul pods per day, depending on the level of stress I'm dealing with.  And they're the strong ones - 5%.  I vape constantly.  If I am not busy with a hobby or project, I've always got my handy little Juul right there to keep my hands busy.  I don't even have a a physical craving and I use it. I even vape in the middle of the night when I wake up to use the bathroom.  I'm vaping right now as I type this.   

I'm essentially consuming 1.5 packs of cigarettes a day. Awesome. This is more than I ever consumed when I used regular cigarettes.  

Honestly, I think vaping is worse than cigarettes, if we're just speaking about the addictive aspect. You create so many more psychological connections with these things.  

So, needless to say, I am scared.  Maybe a little terrified.  My quit date is 10/30.  I plan on using the patch to help.  I really REALLY want to succeed this time.  I'm going through a divorce, so I won't have my enabling ex here to help derail me like he did the last two times I quit.  But, I will have the added stress of dealing with a divorce.  I found the post about the quit kit, and I am definitely going to put one together over the next couple of weeks.  I fully expect to become a master of the adult coloring book.  And so many lemons will be sacrificed for this endeavor.  I wish I could just take two weeks off work after my quit date.  Or, even better, if I could just be put into a medically induced coma for a month. 

The last time I quit, I went cold turkey.  I got so so depressed.  Sleep was AWFUL.  Two hours a night here, three there.  UGH.  But, I do remember after a few months of success, sleeping better than I'd slept in years, so that's something to hold onto.  And I do remember all the little aches and pains and knots in my body magically disappearing, so that's something to remember, as well.  I remember the FREEDOM feeling.  The feeling of not NEEDING the nicotine.  The clear headedness.  There are so many benefits.  And I really want that again.  And by god, I don't want to relapse again.  Ever.  I'm tired of being an addict. 

So, I guess I'm just here to share a little bit of what's on my mind at the moment.  I really appreciate the community.  If there are anymore Juul people out there with advice to help me get ready over these next two weeks, please chime in.  These things are straight up evil, I swear.  

I'm also really scared about feeling alone.  I really hope this community can help fill that void.