ok for real...i am at my wit's end and fighting the ultimate battle right now. i was out tonight with coworkers, and my friend from high school is in town (although i didn't see him yet, for some reason that gives me a reason to think i can "party"). yah i haven't seen him yet, but i am looking at everything right now as an excuse to smoke. i have done well, but i set myself back 2 weeks ago after 11 offical days. you know everyone says "good job missy, 13 days! keep it up you can do it!" etc etc, and i SO appreciate the support, but seriously that won't stop me from beating someone up (not literally) for a smoke right now. I want one badly, but i don't want one, ya know? My friend who was smoking tonight when i was with her, yah she kept saying how she envies me, and she was one who gave me a smoke 2 weeks ago without really knowing the status of my quit. Tonight I yelled out my friend's car window at the top of my lungs, i threatened to fight my friends, i said i would jump out at a stop light and reach thru my friend's car window behind us for her smokes, i said i would do whatever it took to get a smoke after i warned everyone not to serve me with cigs...and i always reiterated that i wasn't totally serious, and i wouldn't beat anyone up, or jump thru windows, or any of the other stuff...but i did yell at the top of my lungs thru the window and my friend told me to do it as much as i needed. so i told them if i had email on my phone while we were out i would've blogged so my quitter friends could support me and encourage me in the right direction. now i'm home, i'm a little buzzed, but i'm more thinking about "what i'm missing out on", and believe me, i know it ain't shit, but the little demons in my brain are still making me feel bad, so i'm reaching out to you right now to help me thru this as i sit at home wondering if the gas station across the street is open...so many of my blogs get jack shit as a response...please don't leave me alone now. my birthday is in 1 week and i was just named cheerleading coach at my school...i do not want to have a set back at a special time!