Smoking in the closet!

[dharmagirl]

I have been a closet smoker off and on for thirty years. Many times I have lost a quit and been unable (or unwilling) to tell my friends and loved ones that I failed, so I just start smoking on the sly. I've gotten very good at covering up the smell of smoke and hiding my smoking. So in that state, not only have I had to deal with my own disappointment with myself for smoking, but also had to deal with the knowledge that I am being deceitful and sneaky. Tomorrow is my quit day. Wanting to be free of all this complication is a big motivation for me. Anyone else out there dealing with this issue?

[cheryl35]

I am a closet smoker at work and around some of my family. It is so, so stressful trying to hide the cigarettes, the smell (i wash my hands constantly) and explaining why after 20 years working at the same place I suddenly need to take 2 breaks and a lunch (i just started smoking 2 yrs ago and never at work) so I can jump in my car and drive around the parking lot. God forbid someone catches me driving around, I practically break out ina sweat trying to figure out what to do with the cig! It's a horrible, embarrassing habit and I cant believe it's taken over me like this!

So I would love to be an ex smoker so I don't have to stress about smoking and trying to find a place to do it 🙂

[biggirl]

hi all, I was a closet smoker for years. I thought it was fun, like a teenager until my kids caught me. the disappointment on their faces. AAHHH thinking back, I wasted so many years hiding from my kids, family functions, etc. how stupid was that? I finally came out of the closet, smoked around them for more years. I just quit Feb. 1st. I've snuck a few puffs here and there but havent had a full cigarette since. I want one, badly! the weight gain was unreal! now I'm on weight watchers. GGRRRR I think right now I'd rather have a huge chunk of chocolate cake over a smoke! YUMMY!
anyway, your not weird or abnormal for being in the closet. I always thought I was then, I saw this title and giggled a little. but just remember all the stuff you miss out hiding. its not worth it.
thats my 2 cents
Carol

[joe15]

I've stopped 20 years ago, then started again, and have been a closet smoker ever since. I hate me.

Joe

[larry12]

Well, well, well, a couple of things in this I have to deal with. I am a go away and smoke kind of guy. Discrete perhaps although is a better way to explain it. Lunch in the car. Always with the coat on. Yes, last gf "please be sure to call if you're coming over..."
Addiction steals so much energy. It was always easier to hide the habit than let somone know I smoke and make thier own decision on if they wanted to be with a smoker at the next meeting or event...

[cindy25]

Hi Cheryl. I just posted somewhere else about driving and smoking....the time lit my butt on fire -trying to ditch the cig out the window before being caught! I swear, the amount of gas I have burned up just so I could smoke or "finish" my cig before arriving at my destination. Good grief! It really makes you feel ridiculous and out of control. I think I will feel the most relief (after quitting) about this issue: not having to hide the dirty habit any longer!

[j-k]

Reading all of these replies, it's like reading my own life story with smoking. The damage that secret smoking has done to my self esteem is tremendous. I have even tried fooling myself that by not telling anyone I can still be a "non-smoker"... but I feel like a fraud. Still I also worry that if I told anyone, they would accept it and I would smoke more. I've told myself that by keeping it a secret I can keep it under control. I know it's not true. The panic that overtakes me when I think about not smoking is so bad, it's actually worse than the reality of not having cigs. Does that make sense? The anticipation is worse than the actual event, and I know that, but I still freak out when I think about not having another smoke. I want to be really, truly smoke free because all the hiding is taking a huge toll.

[linda20]

Hi, my name is Linda and I quit smoking 2 years and ten months ago. I had quit when I had my son in 198l for a few years and went back to it. I was only going to have one. Can't do that. I was ashamed of myself and fully intended to quit for over 20 years. My trying to find a way to grab a smoke controlled my life, alienated me from friends and family, caused a few questions at work as well as made me crazy! My smoking friends and husband knew of course but I couldn't bring myself to light in front of so many others.

Let me tell you. It is such a relief to be free of that. It is worth the misery of the first few months. No more worrying about being caught. No more worrying about how to get that next puff. No more worrying about someone smelling it. No more miserable day trips with people you are hiding from.

Folks. Hang tough. I have been there and want to help! Just keep on saying no and eventually it will be better. Trust me.

[carla5]

Linda,
I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant with my son, who was born 9-11-1981, yes, oh my god, of all days, 9-11!! He is /was a happy, healthy boy. He became a United States Marine on 12-1-2000!! Yes, all I almost did when he was "in the sand box" was light the botttom of the pack!!!!!!!! He is now home in the states, he is not active duty anymore. I don't even want to think of just how much I smoked when for the two and a half years he was "over there". He was married last July to a wonderful girl. I have much to be thankful for. I can't wait to be thankful for not smoking anymore!!!!! Carla

[linda20]

My son was born on November 30, 1981! I can't remember exactly when I took that puff that brought me right back to smoking but I think I was off them for about 5 months when pregnant and he was about 2 1/2 when I came home late one night when everyone was asleep and there was a pack of Marlboro reds on the kitchen table. I thought one would be nice after all that time! Wrong! I sucked that thing up like I never quit. That is all it takes! It took me 20 years to quit again. It was almost like those three years didn't happen!

I learned and I am trying to tell others. Don't take that puff!

BTW I can't even come close to imagining what it is like to have your son in a combat zone. I think it has to be almost unbearable. Bless him.