NML Weekly Check In – 10/4/2017

[Roller831]

We have this discussion every Wednesday to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in NML, basically months 2-3-4 of a quit. Regardless of how long you’ve been quit, anyone who likes the conversation and wants to offer support is welcome to participate!

We are happy if you just stop by to say hi and let us know you are still with us in NML.  Feel free to offer up ideas on topic question and I will include them in next week’s post!  Stop by daily or as often as you like!  Don’t forget to post to the Daily Pledge! 

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This week’s topic: Paying it Forward

One of the many changes you will go through in NML is the shift from asking for help to giving help. You will find yourself commenting on the blog of someone newer than you, giving them hope and advice, cheering them on. This is an exciting shift, but also a strange one – you may feel you’re not qualified to help someone else, maybe because you still feel so “new” yourself.

Quitting smoking is a journey, not an event. Although we each take a slightly different path, everyone who succeeds ends up in the same place – happily smoke-free. But quitting isn’t easy, and virtually no one’s quit is problem-free. So hang in there. Before you know it, you’ll be giving advice instead of asking for it, and helping that next generation of new quitters as they start their journey.  That’s how this site works, how we pay it forward.

Let’s hear from everyone in NML, those who have graduated, and our Elders – have you experienced this yet? Have you helped a newer quitter? How did it feel? For our Elders, do you remember when this change happened for you?

(Taken from an old NML Blog Weekly post by SarahP)

Click here to read Dale’s helpful blog about No Man’s Land:https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-days-30-to130-appr...  

Click here to read what to expect in the first four months: /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

Checking in here will help you get through NML and on your way to the first year where you can celebrate being in the 6% Club and graduate to eventually become an Elder!

Please let me know if you are interested in posting the NML Weekly Check In.  I am happy to continue it, share it, or pass it to the nEXt EXer in NML who is ready.

NML List  (Please let me know if there is anyone who has been missed!)

roller831‌

julesakaGG‌

Christophina‌

Brianairb2‌

constanceclum‌

josnyder72‌

Free2BU‌

bookee6‌

turtlegirl101‌

TurboRose‌

tlajbenn‌

Dani_2017 

Ready2021‌

Diannnnn‌

gregp136 – GRADUATED!!!

TW517 – GRADUATED!!!

[ahhshucks]

Hi!  I think I am in NML.  DOF 33? 

It is an interesting place to be.  Most people (non-smokers) think at this point your journey is done.  Inside, I just want to scream "No, it is a daily chore", at least it is for me.

[Roller831]

Welcome to NML ahhshucks‌!  There are two very good blogs I have linked to above which help with this interesting time.  I agree that the journey doesn't end...it doesn't ever really end.  The greatest help to me is being mindful and respectful of my quit journey and therefore, I am in a place where I can protect my quit and keep it precious.  I feel I have what is known as quititude.  Keep up the great work and let's hope your time NML is uneventful!

[YoungAtHeart]

You have aptly described one of the pitfalls of NML!!!  Your friends and family who have never smoked think you should be "over it already."  They have no understanding of what it takes to beat this addiction.  It's why we chose to shine a light on this time.  WE know you have a ways to go, still, and must remain vigilant.  You may start to become complacent, too - when out of the blue a random, intense crave can hit you and seem to last FOREVER!  I had my most difficult day around Day 108!  You may start to feel as though this journey is never ending.  As long as you expect it might happen and use the tools you found useful early in your quit, it will have no power over you.

Stay vigilant!

Nancy

[Daniela2016]

Oh dear ahhshucks‌ congratulations on the beginning of your journey to freedom!!!  And to those around you, non-smokers, you do not need to share your feelings or challenges, you might not be understood.  However coming here and speaking to us, who've all been what you are going through, it will do you good!!!  Guidance, support, sharing, will all come your way when you ask for them here!

Congratulations on you decision!

[josnyder72]

Welcome ahhshucks‌ to NML! Here you will be surrounded with so much support and guidance!! Thank you roller831‌ as always, for giving us a place to check in with everyone and share our stories.....I always look forward to the thought provoking questions.....

Today's question is asking if we have helped another member....I have to admit, I am really not sure if MY words were the words that calmed someone off of the ledge, but I do know when I first joined this site, sometimes it wasn't what someone said, it was that they took the time and said SOMETHING...and when you are feeling at your lowest of lows, in a very dark moment, logging on and seeing so much encouragement from so many people really did help.  I do try and comment when I can. I was trying to comment on those who had fewer days than myself from the beginning...It was nice for me to see someone so close to my quit date, who may be feeling the same feelings, shed some light on what the next few days or weeks may bring.... This site has been instrumental in my quit and I don't see myself going anywhere anytime soon....I am always excited to see new names pop up....and I am thrilled to have them a part of our EX family.....

Jo

79 DOF

[Brianairb2]

(Don't forget my friend Showiestodin‌ who is freshly past the NML threshold!  Woo-hooooo!!!) 

I'm just past day #100, and am feeling pretty buoyed after the past couple of weeks being a challenge.  My work schedule has been a bit wonky, so I those smoking thoughts visited as I coped with the change to my routine, but I feel more resolved than ever.

The most common advice that I've offered to newbies is to engage with others...encourage, provide feedback, be vulnerable, share experiences.  I'm naturally inclined toward being an introvert, but there is strength in community & understanding.  Being depended upon makes me more self-dependent.  It's one of the most fortified convictions I've adopted in this quit.

~Brian 100 DOF

[Showiestodin]

Thank you Brian, your are a great friend!!!!

[TurboRose]

It's another Wednesday in the neighborhood.  The last couple of weeks have been a challenge. What began as a whispered thought became as annoying as a child in the backseat constantly asking "Are we there yet?"  You want to gag them or yell at them to be quiet.  I told the thought in my head to go jump in the lake and just shut up.  It didn't matter because it was out of my control. It was a nag; "Isn't something missing? What's missing? Oh, yeah don't you usually have a smoke with that, before that, after that, during that, blah, blah, blah."   There were times I thought having a smoke would be easier than the mental torture. I knew having a smoke would only plunge me into a different type of misery; I'd go back to self-loathing and all the other muck and mire I left 90+ days ago.  As quickly as the nagging thought surfaced it subsided. My quit is still intact.

ahhshucks‌, you've begun a journey that many have taken.  Don't lose hope or believe you're alone in your struggle.  Please know, you may be walking this path by yourself but you're not alone. There are others on the path and they're happy to answer questions, cheerlead, give tips, give tough love, hold your hand, console, comfort and tell the truth. Welcome to the Ex-Community. 

TurboRose (Michele) 96 DOF

[Roller831]

I am happy to welcome ahhshucks and Showiestodin to our little playground!  I will be sure to add you to our growing list for next week's post!

For the topic this week of paying it forward....I think I really felt like I wasn't "qualified" to give advice until around the 100 DOF mark.  I do't quite know why, but it seems like someone with at least 3 months knows something about quitting.  In those early days of mine, it didn't always matter that an Elder responded.  I just wanted some kind of response so I knew someone was out there listening or relating to what I was going through.  Perhaps it is some kind of validation thing.  I need to know what I was going through was "normal".  

Now...I think while I do know a thing or two about quitting, I had a pretty easy time in my quit so far so I am finding it difficult when I see posts of bad withdrawals.  The worst part of my quit were the side effects from Chantix which is why I stopped taking it after 3 weeks.  My mind was determined to quit when I quit.  I read Carr and related to it and there was no turning back.  I am a happier person because of it.  I can relate to some and offer what helped me in those early days which was sticking to this site and reading.  I still check in every day (except maybe weekends) and read the site several times a day.

I agree that the basic premise of the site is to pay it forward and I hope I am able to do that into the foreseeable future.