Losing my mind

[Gwenivere]

    I’ve been on 7mg patches for over 3 weeks now and the withdrawl is the worst it’s ever been.  I’ve called quit coaches, seen a doctor (mine was not available so so this one got into tests and scary stuff) and I know it is exactly when I dropped from 14’s to 7’s.  I’m very confused as to why my body hasn’t adapted better.  One quit coach suggested  this   Is the actual quit as the 14’s had me at my smoking level.  Not to ever invalidate anyone’s quit, but I did read having an anxiety disorder complicates this more.  Makes sense what was once under control with meds change combined with the anxiety that comes with withdrawl anyw ay.  I guess this is a redundant topic for me.  Sorry about that. Just so tired of feeling loony tunes and wanting to rip my hair out.  I guess I could go back to 14’s and see what that does.  But that means facing this again possibly.  Has anyone had this last longer than the so called norm?  I figured 2 weeks or so of it being very tough, but this is getting unbearable.  The sweats are one of the worst symptoms to emerge as well as extreme impatience with tasks and people.

[sweetplt]

Hi sweetie I think about you almost everyday and all your struggles. Just a thought,  because someone else on nicotine replacement therapy that wrote here about moods etc.,. Do you think you might be having a reaction to the nrt?  I am hyper sensitive to medicines and have many bad reactions to them.  Often if having bad reaction my mind also feels like it is out of space.  Could you try not using nrt and just using anxiety meds.  You may find your body is ready to let go of nicotine. You know yourself, only suggestion Gwenivere  as always got you I my thoughts ~ Colleen

[maryfreecig]

     I sometimes wonder how I would have done in my quit if I'd worn a patch (I was a mess for a while in cold turkey). My decision to quit came so fast that I gave the patch about one second consideration and chose cold turkey/strategy plan. I'd tried nicorette gum or something like that during a failed attempt in 2009. The gum made me gag and it tasted like an ashtray (I understood that you don't chew the gum). And so I might have been biased by that experience and believed that the patch would not help at all. I might have believed that the nicotine wasn't the problem and so replacement would be useless. 

    As a cold turkey quitter, I have a hard time recommending it (for some it is the best path no doubt about it). From Ex, I've come to believe in smart turkey quitting. That said, I've come a long way from the cold turkey quitter I was in 2013--I just didn't see how I'd come to believe that life without smoking was just as good, if not better than smoking (nicotine). I thought I'd lost it--not smoking felt like losing what worked--no matter that it was a deal with the devil. I'm not smober today to be a good girl, I'm smober because my smobriety came together one day at a time--almost no thanks to me. I fake puffed on straws, screamed at strangers sometimes--always cowardly in my car or from a distance, beat my head on a cupboard a few times...and most of all despaired that I could never get along without smoking. Did I have a problem with anxiety? Likely. But addiction brought me to a problematic place--rock and a hard place. I raged because I could not kill the idea that smoking was better. Craves were not my problem, complete dependency was. I was in a very dark place. 

    There was no special turning point--but I got smober one day at a time. Cold turkey with no social support...I started to feel better about one year, eight months in, finding Ex two years ten months in--my smobriety grew faster. 

     When you say you are at your wits end, I wonder what it is that you need to do for yourself just for today -- to make this day a little bit better. Sometimes that is about all anyone of us can do.

[anaussiemom]

Most important Gwen/ Jenn...  You do not have to be  a saint..  I am so grateful for NRT's.

Do what you must to not smoke.   Also perhaps cutting back on researching so much, may help you find your own truths.   Remember Medicine is Science and studies, there is no 100% this or that .
You know, make your own reality.  Hugs Jenn/Gwen!!  ❤️   Just try to ride with the ebb and flows. 
This is a messy process for almost all of us. 

[Lauralives · Accepted solution]

Sweet Gwen, I know you have heard this before but it is worth repeating.  NRT's can be helpful but they do prolong the inevitable.  Eventually you do have to go through the pain of withdrawal and it sucks.  My anxiety was exacerbated by nicotine but it took some time for me to discover that.  I am sending you strength, love and truth.  Keep reading, keep writing, get exercise, and take those walks, drink water and remember you are in charge of your health, your thoughts and your decisions.  NOPE is the only way!!  Hugs!!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Sometimes it is hard to give advice to someone who is having a such a hard time. There are those who have had it just as badworse.   Read some of their blogs.  They are still free. They did not give up.  crazymama_Lori‌ , Daniela2016 just a few off the top of my head.  Each person has their own individual quit.  What works for some may not work for others. I do know that if you do not smoke no matter what you will be free.  It is not easy but it is worth every pain, every anxiety, or "struggle" (never liked this word) you have to go through to be free. I can not tell you whether to continue the patch or not take this or that.  One thing I do know if you do not smoke no matter what all of this will be history.   The answer is deep down inside of you, whether you are willing to let it go and be done with the idea that you need or have to have a cigarette. If you have to scream scream or cry, stomp, laugh, dance, sing.  Do whatever is necessary not to smoke.  I can only give you comfort to know that this is doable.  You can too. The idea is to never give up no matter what.  This takes an inner strength that only you have to lean on. If you can find a quiet place to breath and meditate. Take one moment at a time.  Live in the now, tomorrow is not promised. Cold water is so cleansing.  Keep some with you at all times.  For every crave/anxiety can be flushed away physically and mentally.  Wishing you the very best.  Saying a prayer that you find the peace that surpasses all understanding. 

[Daniela2016]

Hello Gwenivere‌ and JACKIE1-25-15‌, please allow me a little disclosure here. 

The decision to quit was easy, I had an RTI so bad, I could hardly inhale air, let alone smoke.  I knew it was time I quit and I did it, just like this from a day to another.  Knowing I had done it on my own before (a 6 months quit stupidly lost when having the "just one"), certain I can do it again.

The first month was not easy, I cried a lot, but then I found this place.  As soon as knowledge was served on a platter for me by the elders, things started falling into place in terms of quitting.

Maybe Jackie is referring to my anxiety and depression, and many other physical symptoms I was mentioning in my blogs in the several months after I quit. 

None of the symptoms were caused by the quitting.  Unfortunately no traditional Western doctor was able to diagnose me for about 9 months, and I was really dying slowly of an "unknown" disease.  Thankfully I came across a Naturopathic Dr, and while spending a fortune in the next half year, she diagnosed me with Hashimoto's disease, and started treating me right away.  So all in all, my first 9 months after I quit I was functioning on almost zero thyroid hormone, explaining later many of the symptoms I was blaming on quitting smoking at the time: depression, anxiety, weight gain, insomnia.  Later I was able to rejoin the insured medical network and today I am being treated by the family doctor.

As I stand today, nearly 3 years smober, I dare telling every newbie, quitting is only as hard as one makes it!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Thanks for the disclosure.  Maybe it was the concept of NOPE that had me confused with someone else having difficulty.  Sorry. 

[Daniela2016]

No worries Jackie, you helped so many of us, maybe many at the same time, and I went through a lot of confusion till I was diagnosed.  NOPE, on the other hand, you are totally correct, it took me a while.  And I think while I wanted badly to quit, I had not easily accepted th addiction.  Who, me?  No way, I proved it so many times I can quit, I have done it on my own, and lasted all of 6 months, till I had just "the one".  It took some time for the reality of addiction to sink in.  Thankfully I found this place, meaning the people who make it, you amongst them, who took the time and interst, and patience to teach me, and help me accept who I really am, an addict, and teach me what it takes to stay smober, Thank you!

[Gwenivere]

  I have hypothyroidism.  Diagnosed many years ago and still battling treatment for it.  It’s complicated with other conditions I had pre quitting.  I did read people’s can develop it from nicotine loss.  Don’t know why.  I can tell the quit symptoms, tho, from things I never felt from the thyroid like sweats and irritational anger.

Odd a western doc didn’t find it for you.  TSH tests are pretty standard.  I’ve not heard of insomnia as a symptom, it’s usually the opposite.  I’m glad to hear you are getting treatment.  Thyroid IS the master gland fior so many things. 

[Mmaria55]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. But, as a friend and a RN for 33 years, I MUST STRESS to you, do NOT CUT THE NICOTINE PATCHES, not under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!!! It's EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. And Do Not cut ANY TYPE OF PATCH designed for application to the skin, for that matter. EVER.

You should ask your doctor if a temporary increase in your anxiety medication could help you, or perhaps adding a short term smoking cessation aid medication, such as Wellbutrin SR (Buproprion SR) 150mg twice a day

There's a good possibility that you may be overthinking this, maybe concentrating too much on each and every innocent, unusual, "sensation", feeling or thought, perhaps actually having nothing to do with withdrawal, making any actual withdrawal exaggerated and feel much worse than it needs to be. 

My 2 cents recommends you keep yourself BUSY. Physically AND mentally. That way, concentrating on a task puts the "withdrawal symptoms" at bay. (Take up bubble gum chewing! Keep your mouth busy too!)

I KNOW you are going to survive this. YOU need to BELIEVE it too. 

Love & Light being sent your way.

- Michelle Maria

(38 yr smoker, 5m/3d EX-smoker)