I'm hoping this time I actually follow through with the preparation and Quit. I signed up a few months ago and didn't even follow up with recording my cigarettes, how lame is that.
I find I'm in kind of a double bind, which is kind of a lame excuse. When my mother quit smoking in 1965 she said she was determined to prove she was bigger than a cigarette and went so far as to carry a pack in her purse for almost a year just to proved she wouldn't touch them. I told her she was habituated not addicted. She told me something like i was Bigger than that miserable little cigarette. My response: No, I'm not. As you can see, we were very different people.
Well, now I'm 64 and live by myself (widowed 2 years back) and I have rheumatoid arthritis -- meaning getting out and exercising is possible but very limited. When I quit for a year 12 years ago, I could go out and walk and walk or ride a bike or walk some more. I could work in my yard or garden and keep busy. I can't do that now.
I don't have a lot of money-- another good reason to quit, but also a stressor and reason I haven't quit yet. I sure do get myself into a lot of double bind situations. I tried Chantix once, but that's iffy for me because I have a history of depression that I don't want to make worse and I also have the beginnings of COPD -- that means that when the Chantix blocks the nicotine receptors it's also blocking some oxygen receptors and I found it even harder to breath. And yet with all this stuff.. I know that not smoking would help: my finances, the COPD thing, my rheumatoid arthritis, my lack of energy. I think the only way through this is right through the middle.. starting with charting every cigarette I have religiously. I do have some nicotine patches somewhere but... ::duck and blush::: I'm not sure where I put them.
Quite frankly, I either quit and live a better life or I don't quit and accept a greatly shortened life expectancy... Any other suggestions
