I wished I had not quit smoking

[Peddler]

I am closing in on 9 months without a smoke. The longest I have been in 34 years.  Please dont tell me good job or that's great. I appreciate the good thoughts but I'm really tried of hearing them when I really dont feel like it's a good thing.  I think it's the worst thing I have ever done. I always feel like shit, I dont have any motivation to do anything, I'm moody as hell, and I could go on and on.  I love being outside but now I have no desire to go outside because when I'm out there I want to smoke.  Here spring and summer is and all i can think about is wishing winter would hurry the hell up and get here, and I freaking hate winter.  Stopping smoking has changed everything about my life and not in a good way.  I know all the health benefits are good, you dont have to say all that stuff.  Smokers already know about all the health issues without having to be reminded all the time.  I am having a hard time finding happiness in my life without smoking.  Cigarettes have always been there.  They have been with me in the good, bad, happy, sad, mornings, evenings, afternoons, nights, vacations, hanging out with friends, working outdoors, camping, fishing times and the list could go on and on forever.  It's like that country song "Long neck ice cold beer never broke my heart". That's how I feel about cigarettes.  They have always been there for me.  In ever aspect of life since I was 11 years old, I am now 46. If it was not for my wife and kids giving me hell about it I would have already started back. I get tired of them always on my back about it, and yes I know its because they love me and want me to be healthier, but I look at it has they dont want me to be happy.  I would love to just go out back and set on my deck and enjoy this beautiful day, but I have no desire to do that without smoking, so here I am hanging out in the house wasting this beautiful day.  Sorry for such a long rant! Just wanted to get some thoughts off my mind. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way or am I the only one?  Thanks for reading and being a listening ear!!

[Mommamich]

I did the same thing, always smoked outside. It took me awhile to adjust but I forced new outside habits in the beginning. Still can't just sit and visit but I can go outside with the animals. Find a new hobby to do outside.

[BarryS]

I appreciate your sharing. I understand. You've kinda lost your best friend. It's appropriate to mourn.

One thing that helped me in the past is to write a "Dear John" letter to cigaretters/smoking. I actually printed it onto an index card, along with my reasons to quit and some coping strategies, laminated it, and carried it in my shirt pocket -- which happened to be where I carried my smokes, so each time I reached for a smoke, I'd pull out my reminder card.

Ultimately, your feelings are valid and they are (and will be) tough to get through.

[Peddler]

Thank you for the advice! 

[YoungAtHeart]

It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression.  A lot of us self-medicated for it with nicotine.  I think a visit to your doctor might be in order.  Even a phone call (given the current environment) might be an option.

I sure hope you feel better!

Nancy

[Peddler]

Thank you, and yes my smoking has always helped with my depression. Now that I'm not smoking I have had to deal with so much stuff coming up in my head it's crazy or I'm crazy. Not sure which one. Lol!

[RoseH]

Well, tomorrow is my day 600 of not smoking.  I am addicted to Nicotine...  BUT, I don't feel I need to smoke any more because I feel "complete" without a butt in my mouth.

I used to look at the clock too often, each and every day.  And the reason I did that was to see when I could have another cigarette.  One cigarette was never enough.  A thousand butts were never enough!

On August 11, 2018 I begged my creator to help me quit.  I already had COPD and, as the American Lung Society says, "When you can't breathe, nothing else matters."

I got my miracle and I am very happy being smoke free.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers because quitting smoking is the best thing you can do for yourself, your health, and your family.

I hope you do not smoke indoors!  Second-hand smoke is terrible for the people you care about.  Rosemary

[Peddler]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!  No I never smoked inside or in the vehicle.  My kids wasn't ever around when I smoked.  I had kind of an odd smoking habit.  I would smoke a couple before I left home in the morning and I would not smoke again until I got back home in the evening.  Then I would smoke ever hour or so at night til bedtime.  Now if I had yard work to do or work on the vehicles or some other outdoor job I would be smoking non stop.

[Barbara145]

Hi Peddler.  Oh I get it.  I smoked for 52 years.  When I had been quit for one year I felt exactly like what you are expressing.  I went to see a psychologist.  She said, "It has only been one year."  I was astounded by her words.  It felt like forever to me.  It helped.  It took a while longer for me to be over the grief from my huge loss.  I began feeling better little by little.  It has now been  6 and a half years.  It has been a long time since I was grieving the loss of cigarettes.  I am so glad to be rid of them.  So glad that I created a sweet life for myself.  You have done a great job.  You will feel better soon.  I promise.

[Peddler]

Thank you!!

[maryfreecig]

I had some foul thoughts when I quit--especially for the first year and 9 months. I understood that it was my choice to quit, but I didn't understand why I couldn't let go of my smoking life. I knew I was insane to believe that smoking helped me, but I still believed that it did. I didn't smoke. I guess I got stubborn about it...like, damn it, I will win--a cigarette cannot be this important. It has to be an illusion, some dependency problem. 

I did not have a heroic recovery, but I recovered in time and then I found my common sense, perspective, independence from a cigarette/nicotine. And I found out that cigarettes/smoking and nicotine are not my reason for living. For being happy. But at first, I really believed they were. 

If you want to smoke (me too) you can. But I suggest that you give yourself a chance to be dependency free before you offer yourself the choice to smoke.