I wished I had not quit smoking

[Peddler]

I am closing in on 9 months without a smoke. The longest I have been in 34 years.  Please dont tell me good job or that's great. I appreciate the good thoughts but I'm really tried of hearing them when I really dont feel like it's a good thing.  I think it's the worst thing I have ever done. I always feel like shit, I dont have any motivation to do anything, I'm moody as hell, and I could go on and on.  I love being outside but now I have no desire to go outside because when I'm out there I want to smoke.  Here spring and summer is and all i can think about is wishing winter would hurry the hell up and get here, and I freaking hate winter.  Stopping smoking has changed everything about my life and not in a good way.  I know all the health benefits are good, you dont have to say all that stuff.  Smokers already know about all the health issues without having to be reminded all the time.  I am having a hard time finding happiness in my life without smoking.  Cigarettes have always been there.  They have been with me in the good, bad, happy, sad, mornings, evenings, afternoons, nights, vacations, hanging out with friends, working outdoors, camping, fishing times and the list could go on and on forever.  It's like that country song "Long neck ice cold beer never broke my heart". That's how I feel about cigarettes.  They have always been there for me.  In ever aspect of life since I was 11 years old, I am now 46. If it was not for my wife and kids giving me hell about it I would have already started back. I get tired of them always on my back about it, and yes I know its because they love me and want me to be healthier, but I look at it has they dont want me to be happy.  I would love to just go out back and set on my deck and enjoy this beautiful day, but I have no desire to do that without smoking, so here I am hanging out in the house wasting this beautiful day.  Sorry for such a long rant! Just wanted to get some thoughts off my mind. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way or am I the only one?  Thanks for reading and being a listening ear!!

[Snoofy83]

It's brave of you to be so honest!

So I don't really know how many times I've quit and just started again, I would quit for a year and then go back to smoking because I missed it or continue to think about how it solved my problems and helped me relax and helped me with my anxiety. So I switched to vaping for 6 or 7 years then quit again just this past December and honestly yes my anxiety was worse, I was snapping at my kids, I was overwhelmed any time any little thing went wrong. I've read about self medicating, and many people with anxiety or depression self medicate with drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food. I went to the doctor and they gave me a prescription for anti anxiety medication and it took me about 3 months to really try using it because I was afraid of the medicine. I'm not afraid anymore, that didn't work well for me but I'm working with my doctor to find something that does and I'm optimistic we will! If you are depressed or anxious to the point of it having a negative impact on your daily life maybe you need a little help to get past it, or maybe you have been self medicating, I know I definitely was! The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself so if that's how you feel be honest and address it head on, just like you are!

[zoer]

Peddler‌ I know EXACTLY how you feel, I am in the same place. I could write a lot more, but really I just wanted you to know you are not alone in how you feel.  

[Peddler]

Thank you!

[Maki]

Nine months quit huh ?
Up in smoke ?
Ya I get it , I was there , I felt like that , didn't do it , glad I didn't . 

[Peddler]

Glad you are happy!  Hoping I can find my happy one day. 

[Maki]

Thank you .  

[Cousin-Itt]

I appreciate the honesty.      I don't understand why you can't waste the day outside 

[Peddler]

Being outside is my biggest trigger for smoking.   I have never smoked in my house or in my vehicle.  It was always outside.  Rain, sunshine, snow,  or even a tornado, I always smoked outside.  The thought of being outside without smoking drives me crazy.

[BarryS]

Same here! 

[Cousin-Itt]

I understand that  As I never smoked in the house. My favorite spot was sitting on the back patio every morning rain or shine hot or freezing coffee and cig  I had a tough time at first but I was also so miserable being inside I figured what's the difference