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Give and get support around quitting

TW517
Member

I'm a whiner, but...

I’m a whiner.  When a cold or flu goes thru our household, I am the biggest complainer, even if my symptoms were less and lasted for a shorter period than my wife and kids.  If the boss makes everyone stay late to complete a project, my inconvenience far outweighs everyone else’s.  I know this about myself, and I’ve been working on improving this bad trait for years. 

 

When I was 30, 40, 50, even 60 days into my quit, I was struggling and complaining about it even though it seemed like most of the people who quit around the same time as me were feeling great.  I attributed this to my typical whiney nature.  But after reading Doug’s blog /blogs/dwwms-blog/2017/11/28/250-days-and-yet  and Dale’s response,

Doug, I've never pinpointed the connection from when people quit using nicotine long term as to how it relates to no mans land. There's just no way I can get any data. That being said....perhaps it has a relation to how your feeling if you've only been off nicotine for 45 days.That being said, give it some more time. It'll pass.

 

As a Cold Turkey quitter, now I’m wondering if maybe my struggles were a bit more real than just perceived.  Obviously, someone on a 21mg patch who is also taking 4mg of gum or lozenges occasionally to get thru those “rough patches”, is not feeling anything like a cold turkey quitter at that same point in time.  So now I’m wondering how many of those who seemed to be doing so much better than me, were on NRTs and what dosage.

 

It seems the most common question for Newbies is, “Is what I’m feeling now normal?”  But if a Cold Turkey quitter is comparing themselves to an NRT quitter who posts a similar “DOF” tagline, they are doing themselves a disservice.  I kind of wish there were 2 Quit Dates in the “My Quit Plan” section of our website.  One for the day you quit smoking cigarettes (well worth celebrating regardless if you are still using NRTs) and another for the day you quit using any kind of nicotine.  Thoughts?  Other than, "Oh Tom, quit your whining!"

74 Replies
YoungAtHeart
Member

ABSOLUTELY right!!!  And - you are using a quit aid that doesn't include control over how much nicotine you put into your body like with the gum and lozenges.  I am not fond of them as quit aids because it's too easy to sub one of them for every cigarette you used to smoke, never learning how to handle the situations and never getting off the drug.  No one here will call you a wimp for using an aid!  We are all individuals, and each individual has unique needs.  Use what you think will work for you...this is YOUR quit...not anyone else's!!!

Nancy

darnPainter
Member

 Thank you Nancy. Yes I don't want to get hooked on another addiction. I have too many already, LOL. complete abstinence is the only way for me at this point. I want to reduce my chances of contracting COPD or emphysema like the co-founder of AA died of. 

Deb-EX
Member

darnPainter‌ - I'm with YOU 100% .. whatever it takes! I don't know you and I am a newbie here, but what I LOVE about this support group is that NO ONE JUDGES YOU! A wimp, NEVER! Everyone I've come across here has been nothing but supportive and uplifting over the last 18 days for me. You don't have to justify anything as far as I'm concerned about your Quit. This support group has been a god send to ME!

It's so personal the way each of us decides to quit.  I "stopped smoking" 18 days ago using the nicotine patch. Right now for me, it's NOT about the "nicotine" addiction. It's about relearning how to LIVE my life without a CIGARETTE in my hand!  I still have my cravings and I still think about cigarettes 100 time a day.. I'm cranky at times, I've had a couple of dark days where I was holding on by a thread.. The whole psychological part is where I'm at and I will remain on the patch for as long as it takes me to feel comfortable enough to be successful at beating the "nicotine" part of the addiction.  I have no timer on myself. As long as I can save myself from the 4000 chemicals in the cigarette plus the carbon monoxide I'm very happy and I feel like a success already! Again, everyone I have had the great fortune of meeting in this group has been more of a help then they will ever know. I take each and every quit story and learn from it. I love to read all the different ways people choose to quit, all the different stages, all the questions and comments, I've learned SO much. I love reading about all the different perspectives too.. it's so interesting. And YES going cold turkey IS truly quitting but, 

If not going Cold Turkey makes you a wimp than, "gobble gobble" !! LOL

Who cares how you do it, as long as you don't light up!

Nice to meet you..

Debbie

darnPainter
Member

Thank you Deb. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I am 4 dof's behind you. Yes the psychological component is my major focus. Understanding why I lit up unconsciously needs to be brought into the light. Every day I become more aware of may little thoughts about smoking. The powerful ones are the thoughts that pop in my mind when I'm not paying attention, or when a new activity, emotion, situation, and people through me off. Honestly, I don't  think I could have done it with out bupropion as just about every aspect of my life was accompanied by smoke.

Deb-EX
Member

I smoked for 35 years, and it was apart of every single thing I did.. since I was a kid! OMG, my whole life. That's going to take some time to change! You're not even taking any nicotine, you're just using an aid bupropion, so you're actually nicotine free! That's fantastic. Those thoughts are insane, that's why I stay close to the group, keep as busy as possible and do a lot of reading. This journey is by no means an easy one and anyone who thinks it is, probably isn't going to stay QUIT!  Stay close and you're going to do great...   

elvan
Member

Look at how wise you are ALREADY!  The psychological addiction is the hardest to deal with but we really do learn a LOT about ourselves as we continue on this journey...one day at a time.  I am really proud of you Deb-EX‌ and of you too, darnPainter‌.  You have solid starts!

Deb-EX
Member

Thank you elvan  coming from you that means A TON!!  And it's with much guidance from you and others in this support group that have been a HUGE part of my making it to day "19". Definitely a solid start, and I am fully aware that this journey is "one day at a time". Right now I am thrilled to really be making progress in reprogramming 3 very specific MUST HAVE cigerattes:

* Waking up to a cup of coffee and cigarette: now I wake up to a cup of coffee and read my EX news feed. This week, thoughts of going out to the garage for my morning cigarette  (my favorite of the day)  were very faint.. this is HUGE for me.

* DRIVING!! I've had a bit less thoughts to  "light a cigarette" every single time I get into the car, but I just say "I don't do that anymore" pout and move on 🙂 This one is the hardest of all my must have cigarettes to break..Driving and smoking was a huge part of my day. This will take time, in the mean while I ALWAYS have my water bottle and I use the cap to hold in my smoking hand and just twist thru my fingers..Oh and MENTOS. lots and lots of Mentos

* Before I go to bed. Instead of going to the garage for the last cigarette of the day...  well now I just go upstairs and hang with my son. Since I don't STINK he loves it and we talk about how I made it through another day. REWARD right there! 

I have a feeling this can ALL fall apart next week LOL - but for now every habit I work on reprogramming feels like a victory! I will confess that I am eating like nobody's business. I'm lucky in that I could have used a good 5 pounds on me to begin with - thank god because I can't stop eating! And in the winter, honestly carrots aren't for me 🙂  The cigarette like pretzel sticks are great.. Ha!

So I see Ellen, you're the night owl and I'm the early bird!!! :-)))) I hope you have a GREAT DAY!!! 

Big Hugs to you - XoXo

darnPainter
Member

Thanks Deb for sharing. I too snuggled with the morning cig as it was the first thing I did when I woke up. About the 4th day that one subsided. I just sat with the feelings and promised myself I wouldn't avoid them; As that's my auto default. When I felt the compulsion, I told my self. There it is-NO SMOKE! Then I direct my thoughts to a mantra or prayer.  Now it's just a vague memory pang. It did help to go to this site for momentary respite

The driving thing I'm still watching very closely. Driving is very stressful. Especially here where Albuquerque drivers are very offensive at best. It helps to just slow down and not pay attention to the people behind me. I'm chewing a ton of sugarless gum and have bitten the inside of my mouth as if the stuff is going out of style.

I'm still working on the break time at work compulsion. The reward cig compulsion is a big one as well. And after showering, pausing a movie, waiting for food to finish cooking, or the grill to get hot enough, walking the dog. ad infinitum. I just keep  paying close attention  and am careful not to fall back into that unconscious default state. I believe Buddhists call it being mindful.

I want to also thank the long timers here on this site who have traveled this journey before me. I appreciate the words of wisdom.

John 15DOF. 

YoungAtHeart
Member

I think the "reward" cigarette was the last to loosen its grip on me.  Still, to this day, when I finish doing annual chores - like raking leaves, or making Christmas cookies, or watching a Raven's game with friends,  I have a thought that , "gee, I always used to have a cigarette now."  It's not a crave, but just a reminder. I also get a reminder when watching the sunrise over the ocean - it always used to be accompanied by my coffee and a smoke.  I think these hang on because we don't repeat them on a daily basis and thus don't learn the nonsmoking ritual with them.

Don't despair, though - they are easy to dismiss with a shake of the head and a reminder that "I don't DO that anymore."  I did, however,  have to come up with a chore reward!  I subbed a small  Pepsi over crushed ice (I don't drink soda anymore - so it's a treat!)  A frozen Hershey Kiss might work, or some fresh made lemonade, or anything you don't drink/eat regularly. 

This is a journey and adjustments are part of the ride!

Nancy

elvan
Member

Deb-EX‌ I am honestly not usually a night owl.  I have been up later than usual because my daughter was visiting and I didn't get to EX until later.  I will NEVER be an early bird.  I get up early on the one day a week when I work, the rest of the time, I get up when I wake up or when the cat won't stop licking my face with her fishy smelling tongue.  

Driving was tough for me too...I remember getting into the car and starting it and thinking..."Okay, NOW what?"  It was like I didn't know how to drive without lighting up.  Water helped and so did sour candies, I kept them close by.  I ate so many on stressful days that the inside of my mouth got sore.  I needed to gain some weight at the beginning of my quit, now I am pretty close to where I need to be.  I find that exercise gives me a huge boost of dopamine and the first time I was able to do that after I quit, I was stunned.  It was better than smoking in so many ways!  You are a ROCK STAR, Deb!!

xoxo,

Ellen