Close Call

[MaryRobin]

Day 7 for me and I had my closest call yet with vaping again.

My colleague who sits next to me has started vaping at her desk (not allowed, but unless I told on her, no one would find out- so easy to hide), and she was using it a lot today. Then she left for a meeting, and there it was, right on her desk. 
I took a long hard look at it, and my mind was 100% committed to making a stop on my way home to the vape store. My mind said,”It is FINE- don’t put yourself through this quit; just start again and enjoy!!!” Over and over and over again..... And honestly, until I got in the car, I wasn’t sure if I would drive home or make that detour.....

Well, I am PROUD to say I went straight home, no detour to the vape shop. On the drive (once I had passed the shop by) I was relieved that I didn’t give in. That I could come home and hug my kids and still be honest and a non-vaping/smoking mom and wife. That I could come to this site and share that I stayed strong, and you all know how hard that can be in a moment like that. That I could make it, despite this nearly 25 year-old habit and addiction I have. I chose ME over it. But it was a really close call.....

Any one else have a moment they want to share about the day? To all of you who have recently quit juuling/vaping, STAY strong and choose YOU! If I can do it, so can you.

PS-Adding a shot of my daughter and me....She is one of my “living mantras” in this journey.

[MaryRobin]

Thanks, Jon, and thanks for sharing the story about you relating in the airport....It’s comforting to know its not just me....and at the same time, I hope these times become fewer for all of us. I trust they will, as that is also what I have been reading from other ex’ers...You seem so strong in your conviction to not smoke again which gives me huge hope daily-thank you!
”Living mantra”: steal away! I just made that up yesterday, because it’s simply true. Our children need us! As I have said in earlier posts, my daughter has friends who have started vaping; some get caught and disciplined and some keep on finding ways to get more. They are 13/14.:((( 

To your question: I am not feeling guilt now that I am in this; I feel empowered...and vulnerable, but not guilty anymore. I am letting the past go- yet trying to learn about myself. But everyday that I make it as an ex, I feel resolve to stay one more strongly. Here’s to another day....vape AND guilt- free!:)))

[PrimeNumberJD]

You're welcome Mary! You've done it; I know the support here helps, but we can't do it for you! I don't know if I believe the black market theories; no vape is regulated (by law), so wouldn't they all be black market? It is amazing how addiction tries to take a hold on you. 

I feel only a small part of you decided to quit because of the health scare. I feel you quit to regain control of you, you are no longer a slave to this substance. The seat belt light has been turned off and you are now free to move ab ou ut the cabin!

Vulnerable, what a great feeling that usually holds negative connotations. Story Time!

When transitioning from an enlisted Soldier to a Warrant Officer, you have to go through a transition school. The school tests your resolve but also, shows one how vulnerable they are. Training - Advising - Counseling (TAC) officer in brief (while completing a series of exercises intended to break one down physically and mentally): "you all are here because you decided to step out of your comfort zone. You decided that you did not want to continue down the path you were on and so you committed to a change! You promised several people that you would come here and succeed and you've set out on this journey. You're welcome to go back anytime you want, but remember, you set out on this journey!" This, while quoted, is the basic premise of his speech. 

Certainly there are times when you do not want to be vulnerable, such as a dark parking lot at night, but vulnerable opens you up go growth and should be welcomed. If you weren't vulnerable, you would still be in your comfort zone, an area you are used to being, a 0 growth environment! You are shedding the skin of your previous self, so you can grow into who you are becoming!

Every now and again, we all have bad moments. Due to our addictive nature, we will fall back on the what ifs we are used to. Every now and again, I'll have a moment like that. But it is a moment, even if it lasts an entire day, it is a blink of an eye. 

Your attitude will lend well to your success in quitting, be prideful! 

[MaryRobin]

 Jon: you are totally inspiring. And your stories/sharings are awesome- really impactful. You so accurately describe the vulnerability that I am feeling, and yes, it is indeed allowing positive growth and exploration of “the new me”!! Shedding this skin gives me many opportunities for new ways to spend my time and energy- I am embracing finding out what that looks and feels like for me, but so far, I am so very grateful and happy. (Important for me to remember in the hard moments!!)
You are also right on: The health scare is only a part of my desire to quit. A much bigger part has been to gain control, and in doing so, become truly free for the first time in forever. I have wanted to look myself in the face and know that I am an honest person again, who doesn’t need to lie and hide behind an addiction, but rather beat it.  My self-respect and integrity need this as much if not more than my lungs- does this make sense?! It has been a physical, mental, and emotional wrecking ball, and I am breaking through to the other side. I have cleared my conscience and am free!! Free...

Today was much easier, btw. Thinking yesterday’s close call had ripple effects.:))

Also realized that you are coming up to 3-months as a “Sexy Exer”, yes? 

Thanks for all and have a great eve,

Mary

[PrimeNumberJD]

I have a cheesy quote I'm going to coin:

What doesn't kill your quit, makes it stronger!

Perhaps with this, you will see that you are inspiring as well! This was inspired by your ripple effect comment! Every opportunity we overcome in our quit, renders nicotine's hold weaker...this can be helpful to everyone!

I've now been a Sexy Exer for 3 months or 91 days, according to smoke free (it counts a month as 30 days). My quit date is July 4th, independence squared (my last cigarette was at 800 PM on July 3rd).

[MaryRobin]

CONGRATULATIONS and here’s to YOU!!! I remembered seeing your quit date and noting that Independence Day seemed an amazing day to gain your freedom!!!

(My other personal favorite day of the year- simply because of what it means when spoken aloud- is “March 4th”.... Your 8month anniversary! Big smiles for you, Jon. 

[YoungAtHeart]

I KNEW we must have had something in common.  MY quit date was July 4th, too - only 7 years earlier than yours.

I am happy you have joined us - you have become a valuable member of the group, and I am SURE you will join the 6% Club (stats say only 6% of people who quit remain quit after a year) when I celebrate my 8th anniversary of smobriety!

XOXOXO

Nancy

[PrimeNumberJD]

I look forward to it. I've looked at the stats rather heavily, one longitudinal study looked at those who were already quit. 90% who quit for 3 months or longer stay quit, which raises to 95% at 1 year. To revert back now would be like being a part of 5% of people...so it is just easier to stay with the 6%! I'll celebrate my 1st year with you Nancy!

March 4th, MaryRobin‌, that is a good one! Thank you for the smiles, I'm happy we are all here together!

[Exvape]

Well done!  I know exactly that feeling as I am walking to the subway and will pass the smoke shop where I always bought my blu cherry crush disposable ecig. Not today. I’m gonna walk pass it and put the $10 in my savings account. It’s really quite insane to be controlled by a chemical substance—-not any more! It’s really an illusion of calm—-as soon as the nicotine does it’s thing it starts wear off and then I need to do it again and with vaping I was sucking on that darn ecig all day long. Never at night and then the next day the whole obsessive compulsive disorder would begin all over again. Come what may I will now be in control, not the other way around. So I have now passed the smoke shop without making a purchase and am now in the subway. This community of ex’ers is fantastic. Let us embrace the day and breathe the fresh air. Whatever problems come my way today, nicotine is not providing the solution.

Again, well done and your post was very helpful.

Enjoy the day.

Exvape

[MaryRobin]

Thanks for sharing and great for you that you are passing that shop by and saving your money AND your life! 
My mind plays tricks, like: “People who got sick and died vaping MUST have been using a different, “black market” product, like they say in the news....I could vape today and be fine and still stay healthy”.....But I know that it wasn’t healthy!! I can breathe better even after just a week of it doing it! I feel better- my EVERYTHING is better....it is just the addition in my brain that tries so hard to pull me back in. 
I thought of the owners of the smoke shop yesterday as I drove by. Many of them must feel guilt about what they are selling. Many must be addicts, too, just trying to make a living. I know that one guy who worked across the counter at my shop quit juuling this past summer, and continued to work at the shop. He told me it was really hard, but he needed the job....Talk about willpower?!? I hope he finds a way out of there....but I may never know because I never want to go back. I wish him well....

Have a good day, and here’s to breathing fresh air! 
Thanks for your thoughts and comment.:))

[Exvape]

Btw I thought the same thing that it’s the black market vapes that are responsible fur all the illnesses in thdd Ed news lately ..... that may be BUT the regular vapes (like the blu didposable that was my go to ecig) are also poison!  I’m 8 days quit and I feel 100% better. My lungs feel better, I’m coughing less - my overall being feels better.  Yes I’ve had urges.... but they pass. Don’t you feel better? ....and if you’re having a bad day, just ride it out bc better days are coming.... that feeling of freedom and victory is coming. Let’s be the winners we are supposed to be. Best of luck to you and my wish for you is a year of peace and good health,