Share your quitting journey
Translation: [curse word], [curse word], [curse word], [curse word]!
I don't have time to write my goodbye letter to the cigs I just ripped to shreds and threw in the kitchen trash, adding water and mustard on top so I wouldn't consider digging through the trash later and taping them back together, and then double knotted the bag and throwing it in the outside trash can. I have to be punching the time clock at work, a block from here, in thirty minutes. I will type that letter after work tonight. So while my work shirt is drying in the dryer, I'm taking the time to type a letter to my non-smoking significant other. The title (and rough translation) can serve as my first sentence. I'm safe here, because he doesn't come here, so giving him a piece of my mind here won't cause an argument!
Dear person I live with,
You don't have a clue what I'm going through right now because you were never stupid enough to start smoking in the first place. Yay for you, give you a cardboard cookie. Shutup already. I get it. I need unconditional love and support right now, and your condescending remarks piss me off. There's still a stupid part of my brain who's only job is to search out and find a good excuse to start smoking again, and it will use any excuse it finds to try and outwit the fighter part of my brain that wants to protect my Quit. The stupid part of my brain should NEVER be able to outwit the smart part of my brain, but when emotion and addiction pile up against common sense, all rules go right out the window. Your mouth, your comments, your attitude, and your lack of understanding have been used many times in the past by the stupid part of my brain as an excuse to use the explicits in my title to send a message to the Quit part of my brain that I can give up and give in.
So GET OFF MY A$$! Because after I've gotten the crappy parts of this behind me, I'm going to remember how much harder you allowed this to be for me, and I'm not going to be happy with you. Right now I'm in the anger phase. You don't understand what that means. You just think you know. While my strength should be used to fight the urge to smoke, some of my strength is being used to fight the urge to take the bait and unleash the hounds of hell on you because I know my anger toward you is amplified and exacerbated by this battle. But underneath the pile of amplifiers and complications of this battle, I really am hurt by how little support you're showing me considering the fact that you've been the LOUDEST complainer of them all concerning my smoking!
Sincerely,
the woman who's still going to have a problem with things you've said (and haven't said) after she's gotten back on her feet again.
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