Day 12 of not smoking. Go me! It's getting easier to ignore cravings now. Because I know thats all it is, a craving. Unfortunately, the cravings were STRONG today. I think it's cause I stepped down on the patch today. It was horrible. I cried most of the day. Literally - layed in bed for 2 hrs just crying. Blah. But I don't have the urge to buy a pack as often anymore, so I'm taking that as a good sign. So I'm just taking it one day at a time, one craving at a time. It's easier with my in laws here - since they don't smoke.
I still have triggers. Last night was almost bad. My friend & I went to see Tim McGraw in concert [amazing!!!], and her husband drove us there. He was smoking in the car, and after he put it out .. he lit up another one. He then asked me if I had stopped smoking yet - I said yes, it's been 11 days! He said, oh .. good for you. Then asked if I wanted one. Sick part? I almost ripped off my patch and said yes. I stayed strong though. 'No Thanks .. it's nice being able to breathe in the morning', lol. But he did continue smoking in the car. The smellis repulsive .. but oddly smelled so good to me last night. It was a hard thing to fight. All night long - I kept running into the smokers section. But you know what? It felt awesome to know that I wasn't missing one minute of the concert due to SMOKING! Just for frequent trips to the bathroom, lol. All in all - lots of my BIG triggers last night, but I was able to walk away and say NO to all of them. I high fived myself mentally all night long.
Unfortunately things with my husband were only good for so long. So the hardest time for me not to smoke is when i'm at HOME. Everytime we argue, or we don't talk [like we are now, because he doesn't want to make his parents uncomfortable, which I understand and respect] .. I want to smoke .. ALOT. But instead, I cry .. and cry .. and cry .. and cry. I've cried so much the last couple days my whole face is red & blotchy, my eyes feel like there's sandpaper on my eyelids .. and it hurts to blink, and my nose is red. But I refuse to smoke. Because it won't help anything .. in fact it'll just make us argue more. So i'm being smart. Yes - it sucks crying. But I cry for so long, then I take a loooooong shower or bath, and feel better than I did. I won't let my smoking addiction win.
Too much emotional stress lately. I'll get through it, I always do. I'll just do it WITHOUT smoking! 🙂
