Wow - I am doing it - But I am alone

[pauline]

Today is day 31 - I didn't think I was going to make it to 30, but I did it! Wow! I wish I had someone to do my happy dance with. My best friend puts me down for quitting, she says she is just kidding, but it hurts - she has said that I am being a bitch since I am not smoking - I won't allow smoking in my car -

My husband does not want to hear me talk about it, I have tried many times and he walks away from me while I am talking, or just says the "uh huh" and is not listening -

Yesterday I told my friend that she is hurting my feelings by her statements, and she said "I am just kidding" I said it hurts me, and this is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. She said "well I am not the one quitting" and I told her that if and when she does quit that I would be there to support her in every way that I can and I would never say or do anything to hurt her like that. She said "well I am sorry" - it sounded sarcastic to me and not sincere.

I told my husband about this conversation with my friend after he got home from work, and I also told him that I feel alone and not getting any support. He said "I support you, but I am not going to put a gold star on your forehead". I told him how I am feeling that he is not listening to me and that I have no one to talk to about my not smoking - except all of the wonderful people that I am meeting on the EX site/forums - I told him that I need for him to listen to me and not walk away from me - he said "Oh" . I think he heard me this time - but I know it won't last.

Is it just me? I am thinking that these 2 people really don't give a shit about what I am going through, and these 2 people are the closest to me.

So here I sit, another day crying and feeling alone again, but doing my happy dance inside my heart but alone with my kleenex - I need to get out of this FUNK!

[jennie3]

I'll dance with you! lol They are smokers right? They don't wanna hear it cause it hurts them too much I am sure they still love you they know not what they do ya know?

[kim51]

I so understand what you are feeling!!! The only ones that even knew I was smoking were in my immediate family, so I have no friends to support or annoy me. And my husband is the LEAST supportive person on the face of the plant!! The fact is, he is insecure...so my accomplishments somehow make him feel "less than". Therefore he is constantly down playing my victories in any area of life. Also he is not a smoker, so he totally does not get how hard this is. Like you, I gather all my support and encouragement from this site and I just Thank God everyday that I found it!

Congratulations on passing the one month mark!! That is an amazing accomplishment!!!

[jennie3]

[pauline]

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!!! Thank you Jennie! My friend smokes like crazy, she is the one that I spoke of several days ago that has COPD, asthma, had open heart surgery, is on dialysis, has a nebulizer and tons of meds.
My husband quit smoking about 24 years ago.
Thank you for dancing with me and talking with me it means so much right now.

[janie6]

Pauline, You are so not in this alone. My family is the same way as they both smoke and do not want to hear about it. Although, my husband asked me the other day when I was going to start sharing my patches and I went immediately and got one for him, he only handed it back to me.

But I knew when I started this I was going to have to care about only me and be shelfish for once in my life. That is the reason, I too, am here.

You did exactly the right thing by expressing your feelings. That is the only way they can know what is going on. Here is hoping that they listen and things can change.

[pauline]

Thank you so much all! Blessings to everyone of you!
I guess it is my turn to be selfish on this one. And I was thinking, what is wrong with me being a bit of a bitch if I can muster it up which is almost impossible for me to do because I always try to be as considerate of everyone's feelings, wants, needs, likes, dis-likes - I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable - I need to try on some "selfish" for a while - and if I sound a little loopy, I think that is ok too.
Thank you again everyone, you all mean so much to me and I am doing my happy dance with you all in my heart!

[pauline]

Thank you so much Christine! Looks like this is a group dance for sure!
I do beleive that my friend is jealous in deed - and my husband thinks he is being supportive, we have talked a little about this and I told him that I feel alone and that he does not listen to me - seems that he is trying to put fourth the effort to appear that he is listening now, but I feel it is not sincere, time will tell I guess - and also I need to get over it and be selfish with my quit. I keep hearing out of him "I quit 24 years ago, I just threw my pack out the window". The honest to God truth is that he poisioned himself by smoking one after another till he smoked 2 or 3 packs right in a row and made himself very VERY sick - and he then tossed them out - I can't stand it when he does not tell the whole truth about how he quit smoking. I always tell him AND OTHERS after he says "I tossed them out the window" "Yah after you poisoned yourself!" he says "yah well"... UGH!!!! I don't think he likes it, but to bad, he is NOT Superman!
I needed to vent a bit -
He has mentioned that I am using a pill, and he had nothing back then - like the Chantix is a crutch - I thank GOD that I have some options because I know I could not do it alone, and I thank GOD for all of YOU here!!!
I am sorry that I don't answer right away, but I am here, may take me a bit of time to answer, but I will.
Thank you again for dancing with me and letting me vent.
Hugs to you too!!!
Pauline

[pauline]

I wish you all the luck in the world talking with your hubby, and please remember, I am here for you too.
You are doing it too!!! It does seem to be harder for women than men, I have noticed that there seem to be more women on this forum/pages then men.
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Your friend,
Pauline

[katy3]

I know what you mean. People don't seem to care. I go through that sometimes.

But I have to remind myself that their support really doesn't
do anything. It just makes it a little easier to know that someone is proud of you.

Just remember that WE are pround of you!

[david-hibling]

My partner still smokes but he does so outside now bless him and as a result is smoking less - I am lucky he is supportive of me because actually he WANTS me to succeed cos if i do it will mean he can when hes ready - but I am quitting FOR ME no -one else!! When i was scratchy and craving a cigarette I had to work very hard not to "nag" my partner about smoking or take my frustrations out on him - nothing is worse if you smoke and someone gives up and makes you feel small - so my advice is be as normal as possible with your friend but it is only fair and right that you should ask her not to smoke in your car or in your house if she is a friend she will honour that - but dont expect her to sopport you it might be too hard - we can do that instead- well done and kisses from France!