I hope everyone is having/had a wonderful Christmas! I'm eight days away from my quit date and am feeling excited and looking forward to it! Today, I was reminded that I have those who I've lost over the years behind me with this quit 100%, too!
I have a very high admiration for my grandmother that started when she decided to quit. I thought that she simply used her own will power to succeed in her quit. While I was reading Allen Carr's "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking" (Which I'm finished with, by the way) I came to realize that she hadn't used will power at all, but used techinques which Allen Carr spoke about in his book, though she didn't have access to his book, she came upon the realizations on her own. I was about 16 or 17 years old when she quit smoking. She knew I smoked at that time, though she wouldn't allow me to do it in front of her, but we did talk about it. She told me when she quit smoking that she just lost interest in it, that she realized that the nasty cigarettes weren't doing nothing for her and they certainly weren't doing any good for her. So, she decided to throw the remaining of what she had in a pack left into the wooden stove and decided she'd never buy another pack of cigarettes again, period. There was no difference in her attitude when she quit smoking with the exception of reminding everyone that she knew that smoked that we were wasting our time with those nasty tasting things and we should just drop them as easily as she did. As far as "withdrawls" went in regards to her attitude, though, there was none what so ever. She was perfectly happy with this decision that she made for herself and never turned back to light another cigarette ever for the rest of her life.
I was so proud of how she over came smoking. With just having the ability to quit smoking as easily as she did, over the years, I thought that it had a lot to do with how stubborn she could be. And believe me, rest her soul, that woman was the most stubborn woman I've ever met and those who knew her would agree with me in a heart beat. Often times I am told by those who knew her that I'm the second most stubborn person they've ever known only to be beat by my grandmother. And to be honest, I find a lot of pride in this when I'm told this because I only see it as determination. Anyway, over the years and through all of my past failed quits I've wondered how it was that she could quit as easily as she did and it just seem "so hard for me to do"! After reading Allen Carr's book, I see things in a different way which I plan to blog about over the next several days and well past my quit date.
One of the things that my grandmother did after she quit, however was collect ash trays. She didn't do this prior to her quitting, but afterwards, she would see various ash trays with different sayings and writings on them and she would pick them up and place them in different places around her house. I thought it was odd how someone who quit smoking would start collecting ash trays. When I asked her what made her do this, she would simply tell me that she liked the different sayings that they had inside the ash trays. "You can't read the sayings if you have ashes covering them up." She'd say to me. Soon it got to the point where I'd make various comments about the new ash trays she'd bring in. And all were very unique in their own way, none of which was a "normal smoking" ash tray. I liked them as well as she did. But they were never used, not once, by anyone in the family who did smoke.
Before today, I've only told my husband and kids, my brother, my dad and step mom, and my childhood best friend that my quit date is January 3, 2014, well besides telling all of you on here as well. Today, as I do every year, I went to visit my grandmother's sister, my great-aunt, and she had a couple of gifts for me. I opened one that she had wrapped, several items that were grouped together and when I seen them, I cried instantly. I couldn't help it because what they were had deeper meaning to me than I can ever express to my great-aunt or to anyone else on here. She had given me three of my grandma's ash trays that she collected after she quit smoking and the three she gave me, were three of my favorite ones that she ever collected. As far as I know, my great-aunt didn't have a clue that my quit date is January 3, 2014. She didn't have a clue that I've been taking steps to learn how to live life again as a nicotine free non-smoker. As far as I know, she didn't that the three ash trays that she gave me were my favorite ones, though I admit that it is very possible that my grandmother could have given her this bit of information. To give them to me now, so close to this quit date, I can't help but feel that there has to be a reason for that. Some kind of message from my grandma. I've never asked my great-aunt for anything that belonged to my grandma, I wouldn't dream of it! For her to decide to give them to me means a great deal to me.
I do not plan on throwing these ash trays out, they will never be used, for they are only to look at and to be admired as she intended them to be when she got them. Instead, they will be my reminders in my weak moments that I have other options, that I WILL succeed in this quit because of my determination, and that I have so many people who support me both here with me now and those who have passed on.
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