I am on day 38 of my quit. I slipped once. But I do not beat myself up for it. Actually the holiday time is extremely difficult for me, my family is acting up despite the fact that I do not communicate with them anymore. My birthday was a few days after Thanksgiving and it was tough. I entered a new relationship and it is already challenging. I don't know how not to blow up and keep it under control. Yes a smoke would make it seem so much easier, I at least would have a coping mechanism to deal with it. I have gained at least 5 lb, and all my clothes is too tight. My face blew up and I just feel life I look. So life sucks right now big time. I want to cry. I can't sleep because I am stressed and pissed at my boyfriend. I am not scared, nope, just a rough patch in life. I am drinking too much right now as well, so it's all just shitty all over. Holidays don't make it better or easier, it's all too stressful and I am falling apart. Not to sound too cliche But I Am OK with falling apart and getting my shit all over the place. My expectations were too high, and I put too much pressure on myself and other people around me. I am grateful for all the resources I have, I am grateful for people in my life even if they don't exist or disappoint me or just do stuff without thinking or how it would affect me. I am still grateful for myself. I take care of me and my needs, and I am nice to myself. So no, I am not going back to smoking, f*ck those companies that make money off of me. Going to the gym tonight
