Ok, I have thought about this since two am. Last night here in cheery NC, it stormed like I do not know what. This was a window rattler, lightening, thunder, strong winds, nasty. about two am it woke me up, many of you know I am sick right now and my breathing was bad last night when I went to bed, so all that noisy weather definitely got me up. I noticed my guy was not in bed, so I thought well the storm must have gotten him up too. I got up and walked into the living room , but he was not there, the door was open and I was thinking what is he doing? Must be watching the storm, I walked to the door and he was standing there smoking. I know that we are supposed to be understanding of how this could happen, but honestly I went off. One he tried to lie, what he accidently bumped into the cigarette? Two,he walked into the rain and storm to bum a cigarette from our neighbor. Three, the othe day, I thought he smelled like smoke and he said he had given a ride to a guy who was smoking. Four, he has repeatedly told me how easy this has been for him, LIAR. I asked him if it was so easy, why was he standing there, lying and sneaking a smoke? Five, this is his life we are talking about, the heart attack was caused by smoking. Six, repeatedly, I have tried to help, talk to him about how he was feeling, ask did he need help? all I ever heard was I got this. It is easy and I am sitting there thinking what is wrong with me? It isn't easy for me, not at all..Seven, I hate t when someone is sneaky and lying. I was so angry, I started saying all the things that are on this site, about a million will never be enough, about being an addict, about honesty, about asking for help, I was furious. He still kept trying to act as if this was not a big deal, but it is. I will never trust that he is not smoking again. I noticed he went and washed his face, brushed his teeth, popped fresh gum in his mouth, like he had some practice at this. I realized this morning, this is his choice, but I do expect honesty. I told him he could do what ever he wanted he was grown, but he was risking his life and since it was so easy......Argh.......I am so angry, I feel betrayed like he cheated on me. I realize that is probably pretty rough, but if he lied about this, what else has he lied about?