Mom passed away December 2nd 2014.

[debbie-t]

I've cheated a few times since my mom, whom lived with me and was 100% dependent on me for everything, and I took care of the past 4 years here and 3 years prior at a nursing home, passed away unexpectedly. I've gotten a hold of some nasty cigarette butts and smoked puffs off them which was disgusting to say the least but didn't stop me! And then yesterday I had 1.5 cigarettes yesterday just because I wanted to! I'm off the Chantix and have been for at least a month. It helped with the cravings. So now I just didn't even try to fight the cravings. I haven't given up which is why I am here again. I feel like if I write about it, I am more accountable for my slip ups. I still say I am a non smoker. I still hate the smell and taste. And it amazes me that I can walk pasta. Crowd of people and smell the smokers and tell who's a heavy smoker and light smoker! And I know I used to smell like that. So I remind myself of that. Thanks for listening. Need to stop using my devastation of loosing my mom as a reason to cheat! 

[kloud9]

You need to stop using ani excuse. If it's not ya mom it's something or someone else.

STOP LISTENING 2 NICODEMON & START LISTENING 2 YA OWN MIND !!!. How can you tell the difference easy Nico Demon is the 1 whose telling you 2 smoke & coming up with reasons 2 do so. YOU ARE the 1 determined 2 QUIT. and coming up with REASONS NOT 2 Smoke. 

i Know how difficult it is but it is Definitely Do_Able!  REmember if ya Strong Enuff 2 Smoke Ya Srong Enuff 2 QUIT.

Keep Fighting Nico Demon & Victory IS YOURS  !!!

[YoungAtHeart]

The only person you are "cheating" is yourself.  You deserve a smokefree,  stink-free, poison-free life There is NEVER a good reason to smoke, there are just excuses.  If you doubt that, try to make a list of the good reasons to smoke.

It's time to leave the past behind you and begin afresh.  Choose a quit date and make a decision that you will not smoke again NO MATTER WHAT.....you will do anything BUT smoke when stress hits.  You can take slow/deep breaths, go for a walk, march in place, bite into a lemon, put your head in the freezer and take a breath of cold air, put ice cubes in your mouth and let them melt, play a computer game.  This does take some effort and planning in the beginning, but it is SO worth the effort.

I wish there was a magic pill I could give you, but, alas, it's all up to you.  How bad do you want it?

Nancy

[bethso]

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mom.

I can sense the sadness and disappointment in your post regarding your relapse.  I think it is time to dust off your list of reasons to quit, and start back on the right track.

As kloud mentioned above, you need to start listening to your own mind instead of listening to the nicotene.  We are here to help you out along the way.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

stop smoking butts and promise yourself you will not take one puff for 130 days.

Do it willingly or you might expect to remain a smoker.

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Sorry about the loss of your Mother.  Glad you are back.  Continue to blog and read.  Education is key to your quit and we will help in anyway we can because we want you to be smoke free as well.  We are in this together.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

and I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I know that pain and sorrow.

[annb]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can so relate (last year Dec 9) for my Mom and like you I took care of her for many years. It is so raw right now. Good for you coming here and keeping your goal of quitting. You can do it. Get back on the horse. I know our Mom's want us to be smoke free. I swear I can hear my mother plain as day "fussing" at me and saying "Now Ann.... Don't use me as an excuse!" Lol. She was feisty! How old was your Mom?

[linda258]

So sorry...  it sounds like you really don't want to smoke.  I so hope you make the choice to take care of yourself.  Positive thoughts going your way. 

[Magstoyou]

So sorry about you Mom!!!

((((((((Prayers and Hugs)))))))))))

Mag515DOF

[Barbara145]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom.  I can guarantee you that smoking will not help your grief.  It stuffs it. Feel your feelings.  My prayers are with you.

[Cindy210]

So sorry for your loss.  It sounds like she was the focus of a lot of your time and energy.  If you need to fill the void, sign on and Blog!!!  Be kind to yourself.

[Brenda_M]

You have my condolences. I can sense your sadness in your words...if you were using Chantix as an aid, maybe you can talk to your doctor more about your quit and see if getting back on it is a good option and maybe get your mind where it needs to be.

[elvan]

I am so sorry for your loss, I can certainly understand the pain, I hope you will realize that smoking will not help anything, it won't make the pain go away, it won't make you feel better.  I agree with Brenda that if the Chantix helped before, maybe you should talk to your doctor about the possibility of using it again, find out if it is a good option.  I really hope that you will take care of yourself.

[JulieSw]

So sorry for your loss 😞

[Jordan-11-1-12]

SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!

Its ok that you're back on Day 1.  Take some time... and when you are ready, start again. You can do it.  Again, so sorry for your loss  :'(

[Jordan-11-1-12]

PS  even ONE puff of a cig or butt is SMOKING. 

[esb]

Hi - I am sad for your loss.  But there is NOTHING that cigarettes are doing for you that can help you now.  Sure, they don't seem like much - just a small thing you do.  But they are not a placebo and they are not your friend, and they are growing their chains to you with every puff.  Please be kind to yourself and stop the pattern.  You don't deserve to be chained up - you deserve to be FREE.  We all support you and wish you all the very best!

I quit for four years, and then started, just like you did - almost 2 years later I'm finally back to a quit!  Don't let this be you - get yourself free now!

-esb

[cheyenne7]

I'm so sorry for your loss, you are a great daughter to have taken care of her all this time....may comfort and peace surround you; you deserve that. Wishing you well.

[debbie-t]

Thanks everyone! These posts put me back on track! Even the rough ones!