I've cheated a few times since my mom, whom lived with me and was 100% dependent on me for everything, and I took care of the past 4 years here and 3 years prior at a nursing home, passed away unexpectedly. I've gotten a hold of some nasty cigarette butts and smoked puffs off them which was disgusting to say the least but didn't stop me! And then yesterday I had 1.5 cigarettes yesterday just because I wanted to! I'm off the Chantix and have been for at least a month. It helped with the cravings. So now I just didn't even try to fight the cravings. I haven't given up which is why I am here again. I feel like if I write about it, I am more accountable for my slip ups. I still say I am a non smoker. I still hate the smell and taste. And it amazes me that I can walk pasta. Crowd of people and smell the smokers and tell who's a heavy smoker and light smoker! And I know I used to smell like that. So I remind myself of that. Thanks for listening. Need to stop using my devastation of loosing my mom as a reason to cheat!