Lost "Buffer" = Reward!! Help??

[gmvirtual_gina]

Lost: Buffer.

What is a buffer, you ask? It's that thing that keeps you from saying what you really want to say when people annoy you! you know, that thing we had when we still smoked?

Mine is gone.

It left with my last ciagarette! And I AM that caring sweet person that always kept that stuff to myself.

Now it just comes out, like puke, unexpected, uninivited, and hilarious to me(but only to me).........and I watch it spill....and stare at it in utter amazement......

"Was that really me who just said that?".......

"ha ha, REALLY? it was me?"........

and see, the worst of it is, I don't even care that the buffer is gone!! What on earth is up with that??

I care later, when I look back at the sad puppy eyes of the person I just hurt, and then I think...."oh, well you shouldn't have triggered me, don't you know what I have sacrificed! Don't you know the torture I went through to quit! I don't really care that I hurt your feelings, because - really - It's all about me!"

Ahhh...I am so selfish without my buffer! please someone....if you find it........kick it in the butt and wish it good ridance.......because in order for me to take it back.....I have to smoke again to have tolerance for the idiots!

oh share please share if you can relate!! Hopefully the humor translates well....it was funny as it left my mind!!

[cindywilson]

I think you wil find 99% of us are like that and if you look on Relapse traps you will see our confessions about it:)

[gmvirtual_gina]

Cindy...thanks!! Wow was just looking there and you're right.....great!!

[the_carpenter]

i have always been like that...dont ask me what i think if you cant handle the truth

[kim31]

I know exactly what you are talking about but I never thought it to be a buffer I have just been saying my thinking isnt stopping to think before I say.

[libby]

Hey GMvirtual, I can't believe you just wrote this. I go out with 2 other couples every Friday night and there is one guy who irritates everyone w/his politics. Anyway, I blew up at him last Friday night, threw my silverware down on my plate, made a scene and walked out of the restaurant. My girlfriends there apologized for me, saying I was going thru a hard time w/my son. Now, after your post I think it was more the cigarettes, my girlfriends there smoke and maybe it was bothering me. But the a-hole deserved it and I'm glad I finally told him what I think.

[Sandra3]

Do you write for a living?

[jan9]

Absolutley !!!!!! This is your time to tell everyone off and get away with it 🙂 Look at it in a positive way, probably some people are long over due lol. I think we all go through that. It's a huge change in relearning how to live our lives. Trust me I was like a bear with a sore butt for the first 2 months. Most people are forgiving when you explain you have been a bit testy some days during your quit. Hang in there it gets better. Once you stop thinking about smoking almost 24-7 you'll stop being so angry or upset. Hang Tough it's gonna get better and it's so worth it.

[gmvirtual_gina]

ahhh you guys are fantastic! thanks for making me feel human! i think some of my co-workers are getting tired of nicodemon being my excuse.....but it is.....the question is who knows if Im a temporary betch or a new lifelong horror! ha ha....none the less i will have healthy lungs to yell my explicits!!

no i am not a writer, but it is my second drug! writing, for me, has always been a major outlet of all sorts of emotions......without nicotene i suspect my writing will get even more extensive.......which of course will be pure torture for my family since it already takes them an hour just to read a birthday card from me!

thanks all for lightening my day with your comments & support! tonight was kinda tough again....maybe when my "monthly" passes the demon will die a little.

"power to the quitters!" 🙂

[lifepunctuation]

i am italian i was born without a buffer, it's a condition i lovingly refer to as "diarrhea of the mouth"... nice blog though, humor helps right now!