..How saddened I was to have to come clean to my family, AGAIN. My oldest would tell me not to be so hard on myself, she was a smoker back then, my son would tell me that I could try again when I was "ready"...he is still a smoker. My husband who quit when our youngest was a little over a month old (she is now 28 and never smoked)....would just look sad and tell me that I needed to figure out why. I always knew why...it was always a stuff down those emotions time. My youngest would look at me and her eyes would fill with tears, she wouldn't say anything, she didn't HAVE to. She was the last one I told when I quit this time...I really did know, in my heart of hearts, that I would never smoke again but I did not EVER want to see those tears again. I didn't tell her until it had been over three months, she was teaching in South Korea so she didn't see me through the beginning months. When she came home, I had been quit for over 11 months...she just put her arms around me and said, I ALWAYS KNEW you could do it and that you WOULD do it....ALWAYS. She had more faith in me than I had in myself.
It is NEVER worth that one puff because it never stops there...at least it never did for me and I am SO SORRY every time I recognize another thing I cannot do because of all of the damage I did...don't BE ME! You can't UNDO this damage.
Ellen 1558 days of freedom
