HELP ME OR I WILL DIE!!!

[michael68]

Well, maybe I won't die - but it sure as hell feels like it...

I'm 40 years old and I have been smoking since I was 13. Like many of you, I hate and love cigarettes at the same time. They rule my life, and I am their faithful slave. I have massive guilt every time I light-up, but yet I have been powerless to stop. This addiction is the one difficult thing in my life that I have not been able to overcome.

My triggers? Just being awake and breathing. I smoke constantly and everything is a trigger.

I plan on quitting this coming Saturday or Sunday. I am SICK of smoking, and I know they will kill me if I do not quit.

If anyone has ANY advice, no matter how crazy, I am open to for any suggestions/support. If climbing trees while butt-naked has helped you, please let me know - I'll try it. I have Wellbutrin, the patch, Chantix - you name it. I am a pharmacy of anti-smoking drugs. However, I think I may just quit cold turkey.

How the hell am I going to do this???

Peace and strength to you all...

[gmvirtual_gina]

Michael....catchy title....!! We smokers are dramatic.....not just you, we all can be....so I giggled once I saw the line "no not really"......what you are talking about is the fear that comes up when we anticipate the quit! Oh boy I know that fear.....that stinkin fear kept me from trying to ever quit.....it's the same fear that made me say "I will quit when I'm 40...thinking 40 was years off......"

Well, I can tell you - you are not alone! We have all that and still have that fear from time to time. The anticipation before and during your quit will make you nuts. You can think past right now. once you quit...you will hear people say one hour at a time....just get your self through one hour at a time.....in my first week, I altered it because I needed to get myself through one second at a time.....but you make your mind control your addiction and you get through one second at a time....and then one minute at a time....and the first 3 days are tough....but it is something you CAN do.....if you are a writer - come on here and write....50 times a day if it helps get you through your craving! if you like to read.....we all - everyone on here has a story....blogs from our first few days. Those are helpful to read....see what we felt, went through tried to do to distract.

i will look through my blogs and post on your page a few links to some of the begining ones....maybe they will help. I'm on day 46 today.....when you are not on day 1 - day 46 seems far....but considering I am 38 and started smoking when I was 12 and you are 40 - our smoking years are similar! Right now....just take a really deep breath! deeper! be proud of yourself for picking a date. And don't let your NicoDemon cause the anxiety to rise....! that demon will be the creature you fight to KILL during your quit! the sooner he dies......the more peaceful things get. Mine is almost dead....somedays he bugs me still.....but a swift kick in the ass.....he goes down again.

although......all of us smokers on here have some really really bitchy and grumpy days....so I'm just gonna say for fun....go climb a tree naked cuz we love adventure on this site!!!

[michael68]

Gina,

Thanks for responding. I think it may help to have support from others going through the hell I am about to subject myself to. I'm glad you could appreciate the title - I have still have my sense of humor, and that's probably because I haven't quit yet - 🙂

I can't thank you enough for the advice - I feel more confident knowing there are others out here going that are experiencing some of the same emotions I am.

Congrats on day 46! You sound like you have a handle on the NicoDemon (I like that), and I am scared, and excited, to face mine as well.

Now where the hell was that palm tree I saw earlier today...

[gianna]

Hi Michael
I know you can do it, you are at the right place that is for sure! Even before you finally quit come on here everyday and post and read, if you really want to quit it will push you in the right direction. I have been quit since the day after Mother's Day, I went cold turkey using 5 pieces of gum the first day,I even broke them in half, the second about 2 or 3 in half and then no more. I just felt like for me I didn't need another thing to have to eliminate. My withdrawls I can honestly say are all mental, I never felt any physical symptoms, but that is just me. It seems to be a very mental behavior, it is part of our everyday routine and we need to invent a new routine without the cigarettes. It starts with the coffee and so on. It is an interesting challenge at the least to me in the beginning just to see if I could do it, now I hate cigarettes. That is of course thanks to all the help I have received here on this site. Some of the best people I have ever spoke to! Try to get a hold on this book by Carr. I am so bad I can't give you the proper name , but webslave ,who is in group May quits has the download. I found it very helpful although I had already quit.

[tina17]

Hi Michael, I was a smoker for 32 yrs. I am going on 10 days free of smoke now. I know how your feeling, it terrified me to even start to think about a quit date. But I did it. This place is great you will get much support here. I love it. You will learn many hints as I have. 3 min breathing, i use nicotine gum, I get on here when i am going crazy.Someone referred me to Allan Carr's book and it has helped my way of thinking quite a bit. Something that really helps me is, i look at it as being a monster and it is trying to kill me. So now I am in a battle for my life, I know I am stronger then this monster because I am already winning. I will get on here and chew that monster out and yell and kick and scream. Good luck and remember everyone is here for you. We got your back.

[francine]

Michael,
First of all, welcome. I am on day 2 of my quit using the patch. All I can tell you is take is one day at a time. Also, do not look ahead to the next day or the next day. I had to get out of that mindset, as I found that when I did that, I was setting myself up to fail (and I did). Now I am on day 2, and I have asked a lot of the people here for help. I am 53 and I have smoke since I was 18 between 1 1/2 to 2 packs a day. Trust me, you can get thru this. If you need a quit buddy, let me know. I will help to talk you down off the ceiling!!!!!

[barbara42]

Hi Michael, i smoked for 42 years, i am just about 11 months free. i used Chantix for 32 days, then just used nothing but my mind set that this addiction had had me long enough, now I AM THE BOSS!!!!!!!!!! you can do this, just breath deep, drink lots of juice, to help keep your blood sugar up and chew lots of sugarless gum. get a strong mind set, that you are more powerfull than the addiction, and do not ever take another puff, it will get easier PEACE!

[jan__tx]

Michael you will do it:)! You can do it! Just make your mind up to never look back:)! I use Chantix and its helped me a lot!

[cindywilson]

one; Michael keep your sense of humor it will help you. I smoked for 38 years and I am nearing 100 days, when I started I thought wow I can't wait to get there, of course I had no idea of the adventure in store. First read,everything you can, think of this as a war the better you know that enemy the better your chances of winning. Read Allen Carr, there are links to him on here, especially at hwc's page.. he is very helpful by the way and very straight forward... I like that, also go to Candid Quitters on here and read, Relapse traps too, go over and read the ex plan, also I happen to really like whyquit.com. We all have interesting blog pages, make sure you do yours too... education is step one to winning, now Barbara talked to you about water and juice, gum, some people love little cinnamon toothpicks, other sunflower seeds, whatever you choose have them at the ready. Try to change your mindset before you start, one this is not your friend, an anology I do use like Tina said is, this is a psycho killer trying to get to you and all those you love and kill you, how hard would you fight? List the reasons you want to quit and keep them with you. List the reasons the cigarettes are not your friends and keep that too. Blog, write about your feelings, come here first when in trouble. I had to laugh when I saw you said everything is a trigger, that is what I said too, breathing on down, but hey not as much as you think. Keep track of your smokes and why you lit that one, besides being an addict, by the way, let's just admit that out of the gate, you are a junkie and will tell yourself junkie lies in order to use, recognise that fact and remember there is another part of your brain, the side that wants to quit, listen to that side....hope some of this helps, for me I walked constantly the first couple of weeks, played spider soitaire, got on the Wii and played tennis, blogged, listenend tomusic, bounced on the exercise ball, you name it I pretty much tried it. I also hit pillows, threw them, screamed, punched, cried and threw temper tantrums because my pacifier was gone, but I did not die and neither will you, but you become empowered when you succeed....

[the_carpenter]

cold turkey is the way to go.....but it is an addiction....the mind has to be right....if you think you want to quit dont....if others are pressuring you dont.....this will sound stupid untill you are an ex....it is the opposite of sucide...if you dont mean it dont try it....why fail?...you are going to save your life get your head right
if others have given you this i am sorry
go to (why quit.com)
if you cant find 10 reasons to quit here you are not ready
sorry if i am preaching
lets become friends i have a lot of helpfull info
love and prayers
jim the ex

[Sandra3]

Welcome Michael, I was a sudden cold turkey quitter, however I did toss the patch on for 2 days as I thought it would help. I realized it was only delaying the inevitable. Michael if you are ready to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF, you are have won this battle from the get go. Remember you are fighting and addiction and after the physical withdrawals pass, it becomes a huge mind game. Tough to play at times but totally doable! I am 130+ days quit after smoking for 37+ years. It is possible!! Please feel free to come knock on my door if you need to vent or any help I might provide!!

[libby]

Michael, the Allen Carr book is entitle "Easyway to Stop Smoking". It is an easy read and the best part for me was he encouraged you to continue smoking while you read the book. It is not a scare tactic book, we've all read those and they didn't help. I quit for 4 years after reading the book, stupidly decided I could smoke one, was back to a pack a day in a month for the next 10 years This time I quit using Chantix. It's pretty good stuff. I would suggest starting the Chantix, then after a few days on the Chantix read the Carr book and I don't think you can fail. Two good methods. Good luck, you can do this!

[fiveblessings]

How you choose to quit is completely up to you. It is a personal choice and you must do what works. I have tried everything and am finding this cold turkey quit to be the easiest and the most empowering FOR ME. But I have dear friends here who swear by the patch or Chantix. So use everything or nothing. Read read read what you can here. There are many long term quitters who are full of sage, good advice. Be kind to yourself. It is not an easy journey but it is worth the tough begining. Follow the plan at BecomeAnEx to help you learn to live your life without cigarettes. And most of all be aptient with the process. It a doable thing, but you have to want it with your whole being. I wish you all the luck. And we're here if you need support!

[fiveblessings]

oh, and your sense of humor will get you thru many a moment, so hold onto it!! 😉

[edith2]

I can really relate to your blog. I felt the same way of being a slave to smoking. But I had no desire to quit. I'm not a religious person, but I prayed for the desire. That was almost 5 years ago. I am no longer a slave to my addiction and it really feels good to breathe. You're definitely in the right place and I believe you can do this.

[ctm]

I suggest you go to whyquit.com and learn all you can about nicotine addiction. Education and support will help you A LOT in terms of quitting.

[doris_mccoy]

Migheal I smoke from the age of eight to the age of 58. I thought that I would never be able to stop smoking. This is the reall truth of it Ask yourself do you want to LIVE or DIE. would you drink a bottle of poison? would you lay down in front train or a car to get run over by? There Is a blog that was psot today on how smoking slow kill you it is a very very plain of way to die. And it is one that can sneak up on you slowly then it is to late. We are all here for you to help you any time you need us.

[hwc]

Michael:

You say you love smoking, but your blog doesn't really make itsound all that great. What exactly is it that you "love" about smoking?

As far as advice goes: it would really help you if you would stop making quitting out to be some grand living hell. Many of us find that it's really not that bad. The big psyche job you are doing on yourself is just part of the big junkie lie to keep you addicted. Truth be told, nicotine withdrawal isn't half as bad as getting your wisdom teeth out. In fact, you wake up in hard core nicotine withdrawal every day of your lfe.

Here's a page of links. If you are serious about quittng, you will invest some serious time in the Allen Carr books, and the videos and articles at whyquit.com. I think you'll find it all to be a real eye-opener. I know I did when I walked away from smoking after 38 years.

Page of Links

[hwc]

In fact, you wake up in hard core nicotine withdrawal every day of your lfe.

Just to be clear: I meant that you do that now. That's a smoker's life. Once you quit, you will no longer wake up every morning in deep nicotine withdrawal. It's a wonderful thing. Wake up before the alarm clock, so ready for the day that you forget your morning coffee sometimes. Does that ever happen to a nicotine addict? Never happened for me. I always felt like crap in the morning until I'd had my nicotine drug fix and cups of coffee. I thought I just wasn't a morning person. Hell, no. I had poisoned myself the day before and then woken up with junkie drug withdrawal. Day after day, dragging that ball n' chain around for 38 years. Oh, yeah...I really enjoyed smoking, alright.

[Leenie]

Welcome, Michael. You can do this - you really can. I think the fear of quitting is actually far worse than the quitting. I would suggest being open to the positive things that happen while you are quitting. For me, they are things like no more sinus pain, my singing voice gradually coming back (I won't be heading for Carnegie Hall any time soon, and I haven't had any requests but in the car with the windows up, I love it), no more stinky clothes, breath or hair, energy returning to a normal level, falling asleep faster and sleeping better. You may have other things. Also, I've finally come to a sort of peace with the cravings - they just exist and pop up for various reasons but they last only a few seconds and there were maybe 2 or 3 in a day. I started with patches which I think really take the edge off the cravings. But after about a week I seemed to get headaches when wearing one so decided not to use them anymore. I'm doing okay. I've noticed I think about cigarettes more now than I did at first, but it's just thinking and I can sort of dismiss them pretty quickly. But I'm glad I could use the patches in the first week. I also drank a lot of water, ate a lot of fruit and wasabi-soy almonds. I also suggest not getting too hungry, thirsty or tired (kind of the whole H.A.L.T. thing - I just cope with the angry and the lonely) -why sabotage your quit? I have just started walking more in the evening after work (don't want extra weight) and I wish I'd done that sooner. Exercise feels great. I plan to start back to the gym in the next day or two - a zumba class or something. I stay busy with projects at home. That's pretty much it. Oh. And the people and stories here. Know that you don't have to be cheery all the time - you can b----h and moan, tell how awful it is and you'll have a huge number of people who know just what you're talking about and a wonderful mountain of support beneath you. You can do this. If you want to try the climbing the tree butt-naked and the neighbors are okay with it - go for it!
Leenie

[hillegal]

Sunflower seeds I am telling you, I could market them as an anti-smoking tool. Everybody does their own thing but I tried my best to focus on everything but cigs for a week after quitting and this site was amazing.

[arlingtondeedee]

Good luck, M, I don't really have any advice - sorry! but I once was successful in convincing myself and everyone I knew that I never smoked! It worked for 6 months until I got so stressed out at work that I actually threatened to fire my staff if they didn't give me a cigg!! Oh, I also gave up coffee and ciggs at the same time (decaf, but i was habitual)...that worked great! until I went back to the coffee...
Good luck, and share your frustrations and successes... one day w/o a cigg is a great start!! At some point, we will have to realize that smoking is unacceptable and we simply cannot do it anymore.

At Dead shows when people would 'melt down' we'd tell them that they were " Bigger than the drug"... and we are!

GL!!! keep in touch... ADD

[francine]

I agree about the sunflower seeds! I have found that they are great for the hand-mouth thing and not toxic like those nasty sticks we used to light up!

[david-hibling]

a lot of good advice here - dont be oerwhelmed Michael - but the most sensible thing said is to prepare yourself for the journey - you would not get in a car if you did not know how to drive - likewise you will succeed in this quit if you educate yourself how to do it and deal with triggers and cravings etc - I am sure you will find a quit buddy here you can relate too - but EVERYONE will support you

[yesican]

I didn't think your title dramatic at all! My mind has rationalized long enough that I'm a "healthy, fit" smoker. Baloney, we conceptually know the negative effects of smoking. I understand the love-hate relationship with smoking. The shame, the physical ailments, ad nauseum....but I want to quit. I enjoy reading your blog, and best of luck on your quit date! I never thought I'd enjoy this website but it does feel supportive reading others who have quit and stayed quit longer than a day.