As my successful first week of being an EX came to a close, I couldn’t help but feel some anxiety of how I would get through my first WEEKEND without a cigarette. Maybe that is where the panic attack came from on Friday when I walked out of work? Maybe that is the reason I had trouble sleeping on Friday night? I am my own worst enemy, and I was subconsciously doubting my ability to stay smoke free.
Thankfully, Saturday was a busy day! I had a meeting from 10 – 12:30, then off to the Fleetwood Mac concert in Philly with two of my dearest friends. I had little time to focus on the cravings that were lurking in my head and chest. I did, however, have an ah-hah moment when I left the house at one point on Saturday. I walked out ~ purse on my shoulder, keys in hand, a bottle of water in the other hand and stopped dead in my tracks. I forgot something….but what? I stood there for a sold minute or 2 and racked my brain. Purse – check. Money – Check. Concert tickets and parking pass –check. What in the world was it?? And then it hit me – like a bomb actually – I USED to smoke a cigarette in the driveway before I would get in the car to go anywhere. Leaving the house and getting in my car is a TRIGGER! One that I had not identified before that moment. WOW. Who knew. I found it especially odd that I had not felt this BEFORE now. I had breezed through the first week, and made it through the physical withdraw like a champ. I guess that sneaky nicotine is starting to play hardball now. I don’t like sneaky people or things, so at that moment I decided that TWO can play this GAME. So….I said those words OUT LOUD – “I don’t do that anymore. I quit smoking.” Saying those words out loud – for my own head to hear made me smile (and I mean a big cheesy grin!). So I walked the few steps to my car, hopped in, took a deep breath and said “I got this!”.
The rest of the weekend was not without struggles, but I won’t bore you with the details of all of those. I kept myself busy and steered clear of things that made me want to fall off the wagon. In doing so, I even cleaned out my closet and it felt liberating. Not because I pared down my clothes and shoes to a more manageable/normal level, BUT that I did it without taking ONE freaking break to go outside and puff away. It has been YEARS since I was able to focus on a project from start to finish.
I am part way through my 8th day and am ecstatic! I can’t thank all of you enough for your support and encouraging words. It has made all the difference in past attempts to quit and this successful quit.
Y’all are truly amazing!
Play Ball!
