Fell Flat on My Face!!!

[Mavihoja]

It is difficult for me to come forth, but I fell down last night.  After 117 days smokefree, that followed 36 days threatened by a similar ego malady,  I flat out let a situation at work to make me very angry.  Humility will be on my mind today and onward. I know enough to usually be able to guard myself from such anger, but it just plain got the best of me. So, my "no matter what" got assaulted, and like many addicts, I let myself smoke AT the problem.  I smoked about 4-5 cigarettes, then gave them to my wife to throw away.  That was last night about 7 p.m., so my 1st 24hours will turn over at 7 pm tonight. It is so hard to let go of my 117 days.  I could use some love and input today from my family here at Become an EX.  I'm sure I will be able to derive something learned about this, but right now I'm still a bit emotionally shook up, and quite disappointed in myself. Blessings, Michael DOF 36+117+??????

[YoungAtHeart]

Aw, sorry!  Lesson learned, I hope.  Plan NOW what you will do in this circumstance during your quit this time.  Might you have blogged here and asked for help (sometimes just writing it down is enough to get past it), gone for a walk, or taken some slow/deep breaths?   Life is always going to happen - and you will need to learn how to deal with it without smoking.  It's an important part of the growth of this journey.

PROUD that you are getting right back at it!  Maybe stay closer to us this time?  Those days were not really lost - it's a wealth of experience from which you can draw going forward.  Hopefully, you have learned your lessons well!

Glad you are back with us!

Nancy

[Barbscloud]

We talk about slip and relapses.  Thought it might be interesting to do a little reading.  The key to being a slip is getting right back on track.  

"It’s possible that you will smoke after you quit.  Slips are common.  It’s important to know the difference between a slip and a relapse and be ready to deal with it.  Here’s one way to look at it.

Relapse – going back to smoking in some regular way. 

It looks something like this:

• You take a puff or smoke a cigarette.
• You feel bad about it and blame yourself.
• You say to yourself something like, “I smoked because I can’t quit.”
• You give up.

Slip – having a puff or more, but getting back on track.

It looks something like this:You take a puff or smoke a cigarette.

• You feel bad about it and look at what went wrong in your plan to quit
• You say to yourself something like, “Being around smokers is really hard.  I better think of a new way to deal with this.”
• You keep going.

Slips do not have to turn into relapses.  Instead, say to yourself, “It was just a slip and I learned something from it.  Now I’m closer to my goal.”

Just keep trying!"

So you know you're trigger is at work.   Can you take a walk next time ?  Take deep breathes, etc.  If you can at work, come to Ex and give us a chance to support you.  Learn from your slip and don't look back.  Move forward without regrets, with success in sight.

Barb

[gregp136]

It feels horrible to fail, to give up all those smoke free days.  I understand.  I am very impressed, though, that you have the wisdom to start again.  Time will tell what you have learned from this.

[maryfreecig]

So in other words, the problem was not so much addiction, but anger and revenge? I'll show you? I can relate to those feelings. Had 'em numerous times throughout the different chapters of my life. I've made a lot of progress over the years in learning not to bite the bait.or go down a rabbit hole. Learning to stay in my lane for my own mental health has been a trip and a half. I've found it to be about first getting the animal instinct to stop--then it's about hurt feelings--letting go as soon as possible. Definately, just like quitting, it's been a journey worth taking.

You are in charge of your own quit and so far have racked up a large number of smober days. I hope you find your full faith in your quit so that NOPE is not a punishment--but a guardrail for those times--any one of us--might get off course with overwhelming feelings.

[elvan]

So sorry to hear this, anger was my biggest trigger too and I lost more than one quit at about three months because I let anger get the best of me.  Once I accepted that I didn't really feel better after I smoked, it took away some of the power of the addiction.  You can do this, forgive yourself and keep going in the right direction like you are at the moment.

Ellen

[MarilynH]

I'm so sorry BUT I'm very glad that you are back on your precious quit journey You are be A okay day WON is the beginning of Freedom.....

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Is it more important to have the 117 days you didn't smoke? Because you already have those Michael. 

or is it more important to keep that quit date even though you smoked?

Smoking doesn't take away those days quit but it would be really difficult for me to try to convince myself I hadn't smoked to not change my date. What is a quit date?.

you have to do what you want

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Anger can really throw you back to smoking because you lose control.  Make a commitment that you will not allow it to happen again. No matter what. Congrats on 117 days.  You can do it again.  Your quit is more than a number.  Please use what is helpful. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/sinao/blog/2018/01/02/countingdof-days-of-freedom 

[Giulia]

"I smoked about 4-5 cigarettes"  I'm just curious - where'd you get them from?  Did you go buy a pack?  Or were they hanging around your house?  If you went and bought them - what was your thinking as you trotted off to the store?  Be truthful here with yourself.  And you don't need to answer the question for me.  You need to answer it for yourself.  Were there any thoughts like "I know if I go buy these I'm gonna regret it?" "I'm really upset and I don't care that I'm giving up my quit?"  "I'm just gonna do this because I'm pissed off and I don't give a damn..."  "I WANT something to comfort me, something to go right and a cigarette is something I can CHOOSE!"  Was there any thought to what the consequences would be if you smoked and the impact on what you had achieved and how much effort and time you'd put into quitting?  And if you did think about those consequences what made the smoking and the giving up of your quit worth it?   I think until we really examine our relapse and why it happened, we're not going to move past it.  Was the choice worth it?  

Unfortunately you've just pumped up all those nicotine receptors in your brain.  And it's likely they're gonna be screaming a bit louder again for a while.  That you can calm them back down by returning to abstinence, I've no doubt.  But the cost to you in the meantime was harmful.  Relapse costs us.  Not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally.  Each time we relapse, it's harder to get it up for the next one.  Of course I don't really know if the nicotine receptors are re-activated and start screaming again, that's just what scientists seem to proclaim.  Maybe you'll be able to easily get right back into your quit.  Hope so!

If you're disappointed in yourself, I think that's a good thing.  This is from my perspective only. It doesn't mean we have to beat ourselves up because of our disappointment in ourselves, it just means we need to  find a way to prevent such disappointment in the future.   If we weren't disappointed by our failures, what would motivate us to get past them?  To me it means there's that better part of us that wants what's better FOR us egging us on.  

Fortunately it was only a portion of one day.  And tomorrow you're onto day two, right? Sometimes we need more than one lesson to learn what we need to learn.  Sorry it was so for you.  Here's to renewed strength and commitment!

[Mavihoja]

Thank you so very much for your comments.  No matter how wise one feels, or old as we get, there is always room to learn and grow.  Up firmly back up on the horse now.

Blessings,

Michael

[Mavihoja]

Thanks very much for your kind and supportive thoughts!!!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I've relapsed more times than I can count! Sorry this happened but I know you have what it takes, Michael! Anger can get the best of us but we can also choose our response if we work on it! I'm glad you didn't hesitate ti get back up  and start again! Hooray!