Examining My Addiction #1

[GinaK]

I'm doing the work getting ready for my upcoming quit day on November 1st.  I just had an insight which reminded me how ingrained in my psyche smoking is.

I am scheduled for a colonoscopy on Thursady.  I had one three years ago, and they removed a pre-cancerous polyp--which means that they put me on, as they said, "the three-year plan" (instead of ten).  Whoopie!  Not.  

Anyhow, back to my smoking-addiction self-discovery.  As I was preparing three years ago, the instructions said that I was to refrain from smoking for one week prior to the procedure.  (I did smoke some, but mostly got by staving off the cravings with nicotine gum).  THIS time I'm having the procedure at a different hospital.  And this time, when I read the instructions, they said "refrain from smoking for 24 hours prior to your procedure."

What was my first reaction? "OH, GOOD--I CAN SMOKE!"  It actually pleased me that I only had to manage without a cigarette for one day (inside, I think I may have had a slight smile)

How many OTHER times have I had the "Oh good, I can smoke" reaction as I've gone about my daily routine, usually with even being aware of it?  A LOT, I'm pretty sure:  On my breaks at work or after I get off.  After a plane trip.  Leaving the mall after shopping.  After spending time at the house of a non-smoking friend.  And a thousand other times.  

It just stunned me when I realized my pleased/(almost)-happy reaction to the "short" forced abstinence from cigarettes this time.

It looks like I have a lot of work to do as I prepare for my upcoming battle.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

That is quite a perception of your addiction.  You have brought to my memory the energy that I use to place on having to get a fix.  Thanks for the reminder that I do not have to do that anymore.  I am free and you can be also.  One day at at time.  Think of it as a journey you will have challenges but quitting is oh so "doable"  if you commit and be determined that no matter what is going on in your life you will never ever have another puff.  NOPE will keep you free.  Stay close.  Continue studying you. 

[GinaK]

Thank you, Jackie!  I'm sure I'll be uncovering a lot of things about myself and many things about my smoking self and relationship with cigarettes that I've been unaware of.  If only I could go back and talk to my 14 year-old self!  Of course, at that age who knows if I would have listened.  The wisdom of age. Lol.

[ahkhippiechic]

Happy for you in your quit plan!  you reminded me of every time I LIED to doctors when they asked if I had smoked prior to procedures or blood tests, or when I lied about HOW MUCH I smoked because I was ashamed.  I won't have to do that ever again.  YAY!  

freedom is on your way GinaK!

[Roller831]

You are at a great place being able to recognize that.  You made me remember that I flat out IGNORED the refrain from smoking rule 24 hours before surgery every time and hoped the nurses didn't smell the smoke on me (which I am sure they did) and ask.  If they asked, I lied!  I am happy to report that I didn't need to lie or worry about that rule for my last surgery since I was smoke free (and nicotine free) for that one!  Great job preparing and keep up the good work!  Good luck with the colonoscopy, too!

[elvan]

GinaK  Oh my, the discoveries you are going to make about how much cigarettes controlled you and where you went and how long you stayed...the things you gave up so you could SMOKE.  It is amazing how much we allowed smoking to really be in charge of us. One of my favorite television ads against smoking is a young girl signing a contract giving up her freedoms, agreeing to allow cigarettes to tell her where and when to go and this "contract" rolls into a cigarette so she can light it.  It is amazing, seriously...particularly when you think about how resistant teens are to any authority, but that is exactly what all of us who started as teens did, we agreed to all of the rules that nicotine gave us, we thought we would never get addicted...surprise, there is no immunity to this.

Good luck with your colonoscopy...I always had to go every year because of the number of polyps I had.  The last colonoscopy I had was after I had quit smoking for a year or maybe a little longer, in any event, I had no polyps and I was told that I do not have to go back for five years.  I was pretty pleased.  That prep is horrible.  

Looking forward to your quit actually starting and I can't wait to hear how excited you are the first time you can answer a doctor or dentist that you don't smoke, that you quit.  It is like getting trophy, seriously feels GREAT!

Best,

Ellen

[maryfreecig]

Can't say this more conviction but...taking time to think about your smoking...as objectively as possible...is a powerful tool in making yourself ready to quit. Way to go.

[GinaK]

Yes, I never saw the girl and the contract commercial, but that was my reality, evendors if I wasn't aware of it at the time.  And for years I said I wasn't addicted, that I could quit whenever I wanted to (even after I knew it was a lie).  Funny, I never seemed to "want to."  Unfortunately, my daughters in their teens ended up falling into the same trap as the girl in that commercial.

Tomorrow is "prep day" for me, so I'm not going in to work. 

Take care, and thanks.

[elvan]

You are most welcome, please let us know if you need anything or have any questions, believe me, we all want very much for you to succeed.  Stay close to the site, read, blog, comment, pay attention to what advice you are given.  Oh, I could quit any time too...I DID countless times...this time was for REAL, it is my forever quit and it has been going on for over 3 1/2 years.  If I can do it, ANYONE can do it!

[GinaK]

Yes, I did "quit" many times, too.  Congratulations on your 3.5 years!  I can't even imagine saying that--but I will!

[elvan]

Yes you WILL!

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Attagirl Gina! He's a bully

Keep on keepin on,

M n @