I'm feeling very grateful and blessed to be free today! I feel completely removed from everything to do with smoking. The most I think about it is when I come to this site to check in, read the blogs and write my little blurb. The rest of the time I just try to avoid walking behind people who are smoking because it's so disgusting. Can you believe people were smoking in the nature walk the other night!? SMOKING. IN A NATURE WALK. Wow.
I've been doing a lot of spiritual work on the way I think, what I believe, how I feel about myself and the world, and it feels like something has finally clicked. I seem to be past some block or pattern that was keeping me locked in. It's like doing a math problem and you keep getting it wrong and you just can't see where the mistake is, and you get frustrated and angry because you could SWEAR you're doing it right, and then voila! all of a sudden you see the problem and work it out and then wonder how you ever missed it.
In past quits I've struggled and craved and wished I didn't "have to" quit. Those feelings are simply not there this time. And now that I've included quitting alcohol and recreational drug use in my quit I feel completely confident that I will never smoke again. I recently read a Stephen King book of stories called "Full Dark, No Stars" and in one of the stories he quotes someone, (can't remember who right now), and the character in the story, referring to drinking alcohol (but could apply to any addiction) says "Why would I put a thief in my mouth to steal my mind?" I love that! And it comes to mind often when I think about drinking, smoking or using. (Just to clarify, when I say "using" I'm talking about weed). I thought maybe I could quit smoking and continue my other "pleasures", but it just isn't realistic, and that's ok. I'm happy to be free from the whole mess. I am solid, clear headed, and confident. Maybe a little TOO serious right now, but it's been a humbling experience to be doing so well and then pick up cigarettes again for a week. So I'm on guard, with a "no messing around" feeling behind it.
I really depend on all of your blogs, your comments, your stories and contributions to this site. I had a really good quit going from 2009 and screwed it up in October and when I was ready to get that freedom back this is where I turned. This is my final quit, and I am looking forward to giving back to the newbies when I've got 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 10 years behind me. Thanks to everyone for being there every day, blogging, commenting and cheering us on! Daily accountability is definitely motivating 🙂
