So I decided to come here and write rather than walk to CVS and buy a pack of cigarettes. Not sure what to write about other than what is going on so here it goes...someone I've known for 11 years and never wanted a relationship with, and whom I haven't really been in much contact with over the last 18 months, I saw the other night. We actually made plans and went to dinner together on Wednesday. It was sublime! I was smitten and had the best time in a very long time (especially considering we had margaritas and I did nto smoke). I was told today that this person, who I FINALLY recognize as "the one", has been hurt by me in the past because I wasn't in love then and therefore I can't be trusted now.
I sorta get it - but it has made me pace the floors wanting a cigarette. I texted a friend who gave me all kinds of health reasons not to go get a pack and I finally decided that if I do go get a pack - then I confirm that I am not worthy, even to myself. So while this person may not think I'm loveable, I'm going to think I am and not have a cigarette. But this is the hardest moment in all 6 days...
