Day 1

[ruta01]

Today is day one.  I am pulling my hair out.  The second quit is harder than the first one, I do not understand why.  I want a cigarette, but I do not want to fail.  I went and cleaned out my refrigerator and then I cleaned the rest of my kitchen.  I do not know why I am thinking so much about smoking.  I cannot smoke.  I keep telling myself that I am now a non-smoker.  I have no cigarettes or ashtrays at home; I threw those away.  Last time around, I do not remember it being so hard.  I remember how good I felt, I remember being able to walk up the stairs without gasping for breath.  I remember how good the food tasted for those six months.  Why do I want a cigarette so bad?  Ruta