Here I am again, at day 1 of my quit. I’ve been working on this quit for about 3 weeks now and keep slipping so I have to start over. I originally quit back in 2020, by no choice of my own, I had an oral bone graft done and could not smoke for at least 8 weeks after or it would fail. I made it 3 months then went back to smoking. I attributed it to the fact that I never wanted to quit in the first place and spent the entire time counting the days til I could smoke again. In hindsight that was really stupid, but that was my smoker brain talking.
This time I DO want to quit, just for myself not because I have to, thinking that will play a big role in making it this time. So far I’ve just been lurking in the background here in Ex, reading every day and keeping up with everyone’s posts. I’m determined to make it this time even tho I’ve had several slips, so I just keep at it… pick myself up, dust myself off, and put the patch back on. I can’t really say why I keep slipping, maybe there is a small part of me that doesn't want to quit? maybe I just fear failing again (and again…)? Maybe because it’s just so damn hard? I don’t know, but it’s really pissing me off. I’m angry at myself for not being able to do this.
I can’t use the Rx meds. I’m using the patch, and have lozenges for really bad times. I have my giant bag of mini tootsie pop suckers, peanut M&Ms, and a constant supply of mandarin oranges. I have my lists of reasons I want to quit, and my ‘what to do instead’ and try to keep busy during bad times. One of the problems I have with doing things is that I used to “reward” myself with a cig whenever I finished a chore or whatever. So now the craving is still there when I’m done with something, and I’m lost at what to do with that. I’m having trouble with the one minute/hour/day at a time thought, all I can think of is tomorrow, next week, etc…. and the ‘when will this end’ thought.
thanks for listening and being there
