I must admit, I was extremely nervous about quitting this time. I had tried and "failed" a lot of times over the years that I have smoked. I understand in a way that I never did before that until I was completely ready to accept the fact that I had to look at myself and realize that I was the reason I could not succeed. I was not truly ready to quit before, I was just saying and trying to appease others. My husband finally told me not to try anymore until it was for me and no one else. I hate to admit, again, that he was right ;-p.
I still want to smoke, I get some strong urges and I have had to deal with some stressful situations in the last couple of days that would have sent me hauling butt to the closest convience store for a pack and thrown all the days I had succeeded in the trash. I find that I have to look at myself and say, will a smoke really fix this situation? Will a smoke take me back in time and stop this from happening? I had to realize that with or without a cig. the situation was going to happen. With or without one, I was going to have to remain calm and in control and deal with the problem. I have begun to come to the conclusion that I had to accept responsiblity for my actions, for my choices, that smokes have nothing to do with anything. Smoking is like crying over spilt milk for me. I have realized that I have to take on an addict's mind set, one cigarrette is too much, and all the cigs in the world are not enough.
I hope that this blog will help some1 to see the way to beat the demon in their own way. I hope it will help me to remember in my most desperate moments that cigarrettes will not change the outcome of any situation I find myself in, they will only make me feel worse because I allowed myself to go backwards in my growth as a person.
God bless us all and may He help us find the strenght that lies in us all over this nasty habit.
