Depression

[tsssue4307]

This is my first post so bare with me   I am trying to figure all of this out  lol   I am on day 66 which I am really proud of.  My breathing has became much better.  But it seems I am depressed a lot more.   I don't understand it.   I think back and it seems when I was smoking I was so much happier but I know in my heart that isn't true.   I was worried about getting copd and emphysema like my father and gasping for breath like he did plus being on oxygen.   

I feel like I am also very anti social with a close family member now and that really bothers me.   Her and I would always go out back and have a cig together so now I have been kind of avoiding her.   Its almost like I am envious that she is still smoking and I am not and just saying that or shall I say typing it makes me feel tremendously guilty and foolish.  I guess you could say I had already had feelings of envy of her as she has so many adult children and I have one.   I lost my other child.   So now I feel really guilty for having all these feelings and its making me very depressed.   I mean I really do care alot about her and I miss our spending time together but it just doesn't seem the same now.   Sigh   Did I mention I am a pro at over thinking?  lol    Thanks for taking the time to read this