Day four down

[noknowing]

Today was rough. Maybe because I knew all the nicotine was gone and to restart the nasty addiction would be uncomfortable- until now I’ve had that safety net of knowing a puff would make it better. Now it’s more rock/hard place. 

Cant tell you how good it feels to say I made it.

i have a charoot I used to (rarely) use. It’s marvelous for “pretend” smoking when I’m absolutely desperate and alone. Okay I might use it in front of my husband. He doesn’t judge. 

Whatever it takes- no matter how silly I look. 

Im grateful I made it today. It feels good. The harder something is- the more meaningful it is when it’s accomplished. At least that’s how I feel. Someone wrote- you have to stay focused - the second you forget you’re protecting your quit is when you lose it. I notice that. Writing notes on my hand of “surrender” and “SINAO” have been constant reminders to protect my quit. 

Today I am proud of myself. Proud that I have five days clean as of midnight. Proud that this is the longest I have gone without a cigarette in at least five years.