Looking back at the last time I posted I realize it's been a long time.... I kept waiting to make my reappearance when I felt better. Well, I think I'm finally getting there. I've had what I thought was a cold since early in November. Went through a course of antibiotics at the beginning of December.... flash forward to this week. Went to the doctor on monday... I have pneumonia and a sinus infection. I'm on my fourth day of meds, and while I'm not at 100%, I feel so much better.
I have stopped in here to read, and to encourage when I could. The good news of all of this is that I'm completing my 95th day smoke free.
Here's what I'm learning. Some days will be good. While we would like them all to be ( or at least appear to be ) that's not how life really goes. Some days will be bad or hard or painful. Some days we will see all the beauty possible, and some days that will be beyond us. There will be triggers and memories and associations... but they are mostly just thoughts when they come. And we are strong enough to remember that we don't do that anymore. We are strong enough to feel without dulling it with a cigarette. At some point in this journey we will experience anger, or frustration or f-ing withdrawal. And some days we will be so very happy that we are finally free from addiction. Both are real and okay.
Also we all do it a little differently. So much depends on how we got to the point where we quit. Some of us were told we had to, for some our bodies made the decision. Some of us had tried many times before, but wanted this time to be the time we succeeded. Some of us are experiencing grief that makes this feel "almost" impossible. But no matter how much we may think we are alone, there will be someone here that is feeling or has felt, exactly ( or close enough ) to how we are feeling. There is comfort and strength and encouragement and humor and beauty here!
I'm so glad this site is here for us. That we are here for each other. Whether we are just beginning, or have time and experience under our belts, we all have something of value to share.
Me... I'm just ready to breathe.