I'm not here to beat you up, anaussiemom, just offer suggestions to keep you on track now that you've quit again.
1. You are romancing the cigarette. You like it, you said. Please take the time to sit and write down a list on one side of what exactly you like about it, and on the other side what you don't like i.e. why you are trying so hard to quit.
2. What I did when I last relapsed was be fully aware of smoking that last cigarette, the taste (ugh), the harshness in the throat, the eyes burning. Afterward the smell on my hands, my hair, my body, the aftertaste in my mouth. None of these were good. I really worked it, and spent time internalizing those physical things so that even now when I think of smoking, that's what comes to mind and poof no desire at all to smoke. It worked for me very early on in this quit. I call it "DE-romancing the cigarette".
I also suggest you read sweetplt's blog from today titled "Don't Give Up" https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/people/sweetplt/blog/2019/05/02/don-t-give-up
She had a terrific answer to someone who asked her if she missed smoking. You might think about what she said and how you feel about those things. The things she doesn't miss. I'll bet you find things you DON'T like about smoking in there.
I would be interested to see your "what I like about smoking" list.
