Guess I should have quit sooner...

[Troutnut1]

This is a hard note to write. Because I smoked for so long, and so much, my doctor and I decided I should have a low dose CT scan to look For lung cancer. And the good news is that I don’t have lung cancer. But the bad news is that I have “severe emphysema”. Kind of wishing I didn’t know that right about now. 

I got the call while visiting my 86 year old mom in California. It instantly took my breath away even though I am probably in the best shape of my life otherwise. After a hospitalization for breathing problems and early emphysema in the 90’s, Mrs. Troutnut and I did quit smoking 18.5 years ago. And we dedicated ourselves to being in better shape. We eat clean, weight train at a gym with a great trainer 2 days a week, water aerobics 2 days a week, and treadmill at home. We skied hard over 60 days last year. 

For about three days after that call I became very depressed, imagined myself out of breath, lost a lot of sleep, and scared myself to death. I sat around waiting to die. When I didn’t die, I decided I’d better go home to my beautiful wife, doggie, and kitty.

Mrs. Troutnut has been incredible. Of course I worry about her the most. My smoking was a selfish and destructive act and will ultimately hurt the ones I love the most. I’m afraid I’m still moving through the stages of grief and I’m not fully to the “acceptance” stage yet. Depression comes and goes. I try my best to keep it away with my music and gratitude for all I have positive in my life. 

I don’t plan on checking out any time soon, and I do plan to fight this as best as I can. I am certain that I would have been dead long ago were it not for my quit snd for Quitnet. Hopefully I can stay a little ahead of this diseases progression and continue to help myself and others here.

Once Quitnet is gone, I may be found at the 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/welcome website. And I plan to hang around Quitnet until they turn the lights out.

I figure Quitnet has given me at least an extra 20 years so far, maybe more. In the two decades I’ve been hanging around Quitnet I have been diagnosed with emphysema, liver cancer (wrongly), colon cancer (saved by surgery), addictions to nicotine and alcohol (although thankfully I don’t have to smoke or drink anymore), pulmonary hypertension, and now severe emphysema. So I guess I should be used to this by now.

If you haven’t yet quit, please do. The regret you will suffer later will be far worse than any temporary quitting discomforts. If you have quit, stay quit. Don’t take that FIRST puff, no matter what happens, and it is physically impossible to fail.

Your friend in Montana

Troutnut1-dennis 

[YoungAtHeart]

Thank you for writing this.  If you haven't experienced COPD symptoms yet, I am guessing your healthy lifestyle is keeping it in check.

We glibly tell people, "Nobody ever said they quit smoking too soon."  You are living proof. Thank you for sharing.

My wish for you is that you are able to continue your healthy lifestyle for a long time to come.

Your voice will be welcome here after Quitnet.  I know that sharing your journey will help others facing a similar situation.

Nancy

[prissdoll]

Congatulations on being quit so long!!!!!!!!!!

I was in denial of my copd and the addiction to cigarettes for a long time.  I am 68 with copd and am on oxygen.  Am into a quit again using this support site and it is very helpful. I beat myself up a lot about not quitting sooner but there is no way I can change that except to not smoke anymore a minute at a time.

When I see young people smoking I think they have no idea what they are doing.  Not all of them will be life time smokers, but some will...makes me so sad.

Thank-you for sharing.

[Giulia]

Thank you for telling your story.  I hope it makes an impact on those who still haven't managed to get this thing done.  Sounds to me like you're definitely ahead of the disease progression already.  You work out, you eat well and you quit 18.5 years ago.  You're quite an example.  We do as much as we can do for as long as we can do it.  And that's all we can do.  So you just keep doing.  We all should have quit sooner.

[Barbscloud]

Thanks for sharing your story and and inspiration.  I can think of lots of things I should have done sooner.  Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm human.  Anyone that smoked or is still smoking, should have a lung CT yearly.  It literally can catch things early and save your life.  My husband had PH, so I know that's a difficult condition to deal with.  Along the way, we do the best we can.   

Barb

[sweetplt]

Thank you for sharing...it’s never too late...and I am glad you quit...~ Colleen 355 DOF 

[DonnaMarie]

Do you feel okay? Maybe you just now know one more thing about yourself that you didn't know and you can carry on like you've been doing? 

Thanks for sharing. I hope you and Mrs. Troutnut have a bunch of skiing days ahead!

Donna

Day 341

[maryfreecig]

Welcome to Ex. Thank you for telling your story. You covered a lot of ground--sharing so generously about your diagnosis, and ups and downs while quit. I look forward to seeing you here at  Ex--sharing your experience, strength and hope.

[Troutnut1]

Somewhat depressed over my recent “severe emphysema” diagnosis, I had been feeling down yesterday and not sleeping well. I received a text yesterday from a friend inviting me to attend a local AA meeting to celebrate the 21 years of sobriety I have accrued. Mrs. Troutnut urged me to go even though I didn’t feel like it to “pick up some good energy”. So I did. And a few minutes into the meeting a strange thing happened I want to share with you.

A man walked in a little late wearing a black velour face mask. He came and sat next to me. When he took off the face mask I recognized him as someone I had seen long ago, but could not recall his name. He got up and made himself some coffee and came back to sit down again. When he talked he said “I have been facing some depression issues and my psychologist said I needed support from like minded people. He is familiar with me being in AA, so basically he told me to get to a meeting.” Now he had my full attention. He went on to say “I told my psychologist, who is part of my transplant team, that there aren’t many people like me walking around having just had a double lung transplant. But he said that didn’t matter. That I didn’t have to find someone who had received a double lung transplant. That I just needed to find someone who had experienced depression and talk to them about what they did about it. Or to help someone else through what I have been through.”.

My mouth was probably hanging open by then and you could of knocked me over with a feather. At a tiny meeting, in a tiny town in Montana, with 10 recovering alcoholics, and there...right next to me was a man who I needed, and who needed me. Someone with vast experience in all I am facing. Turns out the pulmonologist that has cared for him so long, and who arranged his transplant, is the same doctor I have my appointment with for December 5th. We exchanged phone numbers and he offered to go with me for my appointment!

Finally I slept like a baby last night. And the wonderful messages I have received here today have made me feel even better. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Your friend in Montana

Troutnut1-dennis

[maryfreecig]

So beautiful. Thanks for passing it on.