This is a hard note to write. Because I smoked for so long, and so much, my doctor and I decided I should have a low dose CT scan to look For lung cancer. And the good news is that I don’t have lung cancer. But the bad news is that I have “severe emphysema”. Kind of wishing I didn’t know that right about now.
I got the call while visiting my 86 year old mom in California. It instantly took my breath away even though I am probably in the best shape of my life otherwise. After a hospitalization for breathing problems and early emphysema in the 90’s, Mrs. Troutnut and I did quit smoking 18.5 years ago. And we dedicated ourselves to being in better shape. We eat clean, weight train at a gym with a great trainer 2 days a week, water aerobics 2 days a week, and treadmill at home. We skied hard over 60 days last year.
For about three days after that call I became very depressed, imagined myself out of breath, lost a lot of sleep, and scared myself to death. I sat around waiting to die. When I didn’t die, I decided I’d better go home to my beautiful wife, doggie, and kitty.
Mrs. Troutnut has been incredible. Of course I worry about her the most. My smoking was a selfish and destructive act and will ultimately hurt the ones I love the most. I’m afraid I’m still moving through the stages of grief and I’m not fully to the “acceptance” stage yet. Depression comes and goes. I try my best to keep it away with my music and gratitude for all I have positive in my life.
I don’t plan on checking out any time soon, and I do plan to fight this as best as I can. I am certain that I would have been dead long ago were it not for my quit snd for Quitnet. Hopefully I can stay a little ahead of this diseases progression and continue to help myself and others here.
Once Quitnet is gone, I may be found at the
I figure Quitnet has given me at least an extra 20 years so far, maybe more. In the two decades I’ve been hanging around Quitnet I have been diagnosed with emphysema, liver cancer (wrongly), colon cancer (saved by surgery), addictions to nicotine and alcohol (although thankfully I don’t have to smoke or drink anymore), pulmonary hypertension, and now severe emphysema. So I guess I should be used to this by now.
If you haven’t yet quit, please do. The regret you will suffer later will be far worse than any temporary quitting discomforts. If you have quit, stay quit. Don’t take that FIRST puff, no matter what happens, and it is physically impossible to fail.
Your friend in Montana
Troutnut1-dennis
