I love that you're using a journal to get through. That's a great way to notice your feelings and triggers, which is important work during NML. You can make changes in your own head about how great you're doing, so believe it and keep at it. You can do this!
I know how you feel! I am with you.
I am going to make it to 130! We can do it 
"Whew... I'm so glad I smoked, it made everything better, relaxed me and made me comfortable in my own skin again" said.... NO ONE, EVER!! At least not in the quitters realm, and you are here now, Pook. The comfortable smoker that used to live inside you has left the building, and all you would get from smoking is disappointment, regret and a really bad taste in your mouth and smell in your hair, body and clothes. If you smoke you'll be back where you started, and where you started is wishing like crazy that you were here where you are right now.
Believe what we say... you honestly won't go crazy even if you feel like it. Roll with the waves, and don't give up before the miracle happens.
Sometimes improvement in how we feel after quitting is sorta like watching paint dry... it's happening, but 1. it isn't always linear and 2. it can happen very slowly. But usually, if you look back at your day or week 1, you'll see how far you've come.
